5 Secrets Every Parent Wants Middle School Teachers to Know

THE MIDDLE SCHOOL SHIFT

Whether they’re long past it or deep in the middle of it (hah – no pun intended,) you’ve probably experienced the dramatic shift that happens when kids go from elementary to middle school. More independence and responsibility for students, less involvement for parents.

The shift is a good thing – it is absolutely the right time for kids to start taking personal ownership in their learning, and figuring out how to become self-advocates.

But as a parent, it can be a pretty scary transition. And even the best-intentioned of us can have missteps along the way.

I know for me, I wanted to respect my kids’ autonomy at school, while still letting them know I was a resource who supported them 100%. But there were also times when I wished I could sit down with their teachers and explain what was happening behind the scenes. When I hoped and prayed that they really knew my kids and understood where they were coming from.

Now that I’ve been on both sides of the desk as a teacher and a parent of middle schoolers, I have a good grasp on the mindsets of each. This week, I’m talking about what parents wish their teen’s middle school teachers knew – next week, I’m flipping it, and talking about what ms teacher wished parents knew.

PARENTS WISH TEACHERS KNEW . . .

They’re navigating all the changes they’re seeing in their kid

From hormones and puberty to attitudes and tastes, everything feels like it’s topsy-turvy

The things their child once loved, they now scorn and hate, and that includes mom and dad.

They’re navigating all the changes in how the school interacts with them.

They’re going from hands-on, touchy-feely, volunteer-begging elementary teachers to an environment that often seems to communicate: “don’t let the door hit you on the way out” – or even, “don’t cross the threshold, we got this.”

I get it – middle school is definitely the time for parents to let go, and no one wants to be the one who has to have their fingers pried off their kid’s shoulders one by one, but the transition can feel abrupt and sometimes even (in the worst case) condescending.

They’re striving to see where they fit into the bigger picture

Even if they’re 100% on board with the drop ‘em off and pick ‘em up mentality, it’s hard to know when it is appropriate to step in and communicate with teachers. What they’re hearing from their kids might be “stay away, the teachers want us to take care of things on our own” . . . which might be true for things like the curriculum and grades (homework, class work, quizzes, and tests,) but it definitely isn’t the case when it comes to huge changes in your child's day-to-day life (like a divorce, a grandparent coming to live with you, a death in the family, etc.)

They want you to get to know their kid

The sentiment I’ve often heard is “if they just knew my son they’d understand why he . . . “ Most parents understand that middle school teachers can have upwards of 150 students – but they still have hopes that you will attempt to figure out what makes their kid tick. Especially when there’s a drastic change in behavior or academic performance.

They want to be a team

Parents want to know practical ways to support teachers so that their child is in the best position to learn and excel academically. They know that there’s accountability when there’s good communication between school and home. There’s a much lower chance that kids will fall through the cracks, or, let’s be candid, that a kid will play the two ends against each other and “work the system”.

So what can middle school teachers do?

If you’re a middle school teacher, might be asking, “yeah, but what can I do about it?”

Glad you asked!

Here are some ideas for how teachers can support parents:

Write a GREAT introduction letter or email and send it home within the first 2 weeks of school. Include appropriate personal details – parents want to know who their kids are spending the day with. Communicate something positive about each student at least once during the school year (this can be spread out over the entire year – it helps to do the math and come up with a schedule.) Ask trusted parents to volunteer for mundane clerical tasks like making copies, decorating bulletin boards, or organizing classroom supplies. This might be especially helpful to newer teachers who are figuring out what to delegate. Use meet the teacher/curriculum night to share a little of your own story about why you love teaching and how important their children are to you. Use social media to share classroom activities and events (Warning: make sure you know your district's policies on this and keep everything private!) You might also consider inviting parents into your Remind groups if that’s not something the school district already does. Spell out exactly how parents can best support you and your classroom. This is great information to share in your intro letter and at meet the teacher or curriculum night.

THE TEACHER-PARENT CONNECTION

Parents are just as uncertain about you as you are of them – and often, hearing from a middle school teacher signals bad news. By cultivating positive interactions, you’ll go a long way in creating the best learning environment for your students. Plus, when you DO have to communicate something difficult, like poor behavior or an academic concern, you’ve already established a rapport.

Working with parents to teach them the best ways to support you, overcommunicating to make sure everyone is on the same page and doing your best to know your students individually all go a long way in keeping teacher-parent relationships positive.