Marni gets some advice about dating and sex from an attractive, married Counselor and Priest. Christain Anderson is back to share a man’s perspective about women who will and women who won’t. He founded LetsTalkDatingOnline.com and was also an original man panelist way back when and a former self-professed commitment-phobe. He now helps couples lead healthy spirit-filled relationships and his Youtube channel, Your Favorite Christian, and his podcast, A Priest and a Rabbi, focuses on relationships and faith.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Why women should wait for commitment before having sex 3 types of guys to watch out for when dating How to change the trajectory of a relationship Tips for having conversations about sex How to speak your truth
3 Types of Men You Will Encounter When Dating [3:11]
Christian went through his personal journey of dating as a Quality Casual guy before getting married and joining the priesthood. He says that women who are dating will meet these three types of men.
The Hunter — the guy who gets excited about the hunt. He will do whatever needed to get 'the kill' (sex or just a phone number), feels satisfied with himself and then the thrill is gone.
The Player — basically the guy who is all about playing the field. Moving from one game to the next.
The Quality Casual — this guy is more upfront with you. He tells you the truth about where he is in his life and he warns you not to get attached.
When should a woman share their values about having sex? [6:33]
Christian works with women who are learning their value when it comes to sex. He says “if you realize you are empowered, you can change the trajectory of how your relationship will go.”
An empowered woman is a woman who sets the rules by stating her values and describing what she wants from a relationship. So, before having sex be sure you feel emotionally safe with the guy and his values match what you are looking for.
When should a woman share their values about having sex? What if they are in the middle of making out?
Christian recommends building an air of mystery during the first three dates. Even if you have a great first date, if he leans in for a kiss tell him you would love to kiss him but you would feel more comfortable getting to know him better. He will feel you are special. Invite him into your awesome but bide your time.
Tips for Having Intimate Conversations [19:43]
Why are we are willing to open up our legs or offer the most intimate parts of ourselves yet we are afraid to talk about our values with men?
Christian points out that couples who are honest, transparent, and have open communication are better at dealing with conflict resolution and avoid pitfalls.
The most successful married couples are the ones who communicate well with each other. It's a learned skill set.
If a man is emotionally mature, he will be turned on by a woman’s confidence and appreciate that she loves herself and knows her value. Christian says women should speak their truth in an inviting way.
Start by discussing how you feel instead of what you think.
First, say what you feel and then express what you need.
Sometimes a guy is going through his own stuff, it's often not about you. When you have the conversation about sex and he doesn't want to go that way it may be because he is on his own journey. Don't take it personally.
Waiting is a great filter to weed out non-high-quality guys and guys who aren’t ready for a relationship.
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