Marni and Chris Gillis unpack the latest episode of the Bachelorette. The new Bachelorette, Tayshia, is a breath of fresh air on the dating scene. She is playfully collecting evidence about all the guys and having a great time in the process. During this episode, Marni points out what Tayshia is doing right and how some of the guys are missing the mark.
Key takeaways from this episode:
How to voice a concern to someone you are dating How to data date to gather information The answer to the question ‘Why are you still single?’ What dating with dignity looks likeThe New Bachelorette Dates with Dignity [1:05]
Marni and Chris express how great it is to see Tayshia, the new Bachelorette, work through the dating process with dignity. Marni points out that she doesn't get overly invested in, or attached to any one particular guy and she seems genuinely interested in finding out who is her best value match.
The key to Tayshia’s winning dating protocol is that she gives all the guys an equal chance. If she notices chemistry growing with a guy she plays and flirts but is still committed to finding matching values. She is data dating.
Past Bachelorettes have mistaken lust for love and lust.
Marni shares a big coaching tip, “Ladies when someone asks you how are you still single, tell your story. Say you are selective, and about the time you spent time building a career or traveling.” Then finish with, ‘but now I am ready'. Chris reminds us not to worry about where you are in your life or if you have found someone or not. Guys understand because many of them are single too.
Should You Ask Someone to Change Their Look?[8:49]
During the episode, Tayshia asks Noah to shave off his facial hair, aka The ‘stache. Marni asks Chris if it is acceptable to ask someone to change the way they look when dating. Chris doesn't think it’s OK to ask someone to change. He says if a woman really wants a change she should find a way to reward a guy if he changes his look without making it an ultimatum.
Taisha asks Noah “I wonder what your face would look like without that mustache?”
Dating Den Facebook Group Discussion Point: Marni asks “Do you think 'smokeshow' is a derogatory term?” Go to the FB page to share your thoughts.
How to Bring Up Concerns Without the Drama [20:57]
One of the guys, Ed, wants to share something with Tayshia about one of the other guys. He is sincere when he tells her but it could be construed that he is talking behind the other guy’s back. Did Ed handle it the best way possible?
Chris says he wouldn't want to hear it forcefully, or blurted out, especially if it is a delicate situation. He recommends bringing up feedback like you would like to hear it yourself. If you have a similar situation or can relate to the issue, be honest, and open about what it is and share your concerns. Chris says, if a guy is into you, he will go into hero mode to make sure the situation is rectified.
Marni recalls the Gottman Group's Gentle Startup technique. Start a delicate conversation with a feeling and voice your concern thoughtfully.
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