Are you feeling shameful around your body and trying to use that shame as a motivator to make changes? I have some bad news for you; it is not going to work. Shame not only has a profoundly negative impact on our mental health, but it is also harmful to how we see ourselves as people and our ability to make long-lasting change.
Key Takeaways
If You Want To Stop Shaming Yourself Or Letting Others Shame You, You Should:
Block and delete any negative talk or energy out of your life Get curious about where your shame and where your self-judgment is coming from Start to notice what is truly coming from inside of you Get clear on your personal values and your 'here and now' motivatorsWhy Shame Doesn’t Work
Shame comes from a very internalized place of believing that you are inherently flawed. Shame is different from guilt, which is a contextualized feeling about something you did rather than who you are.
Shame is scientifically proven to be a debilitating emotion that can come from external and internal narratives that are systematically pushed upon us. Shame, especially when it comes from the outside, negatively impacts how we see ourselves as people, and makes us hide, get smaller, and remove ourselves.
How To Create Sustainable Change
Shaming yourself or hating yourself into change simply does not work and can greatly impact how you see yourself and others. Social media and the patriarchy are only exacerbating this issue, which is why it is essential to treat yourself with kindness and approach change in a way that feels good to you.
Instead of operating from a place of shame, challenge yourself to create change in a way that feels sustainable and good. Block that body-shaming Instagram account, stop engaging with ‘concern trollers’, and get curious about where your thoughts are coming from. When you have patience with yourself and stop linking your self-worth to your body size or shape, real change can happen.
Are you ready to stop using shame as a motivator, only to end up feeling worse about yourself? Share how you are going to tweak your mindset away from shame with me in the comments section of the episode page.
In This Episode
How guilt and shame play out in how you feel about yourself and changing your body (9:03) Scientific examples of how shame and guilt can impact your physical and mental health (13:15) The difference between guilt and shame and why shame is harmful to who we are as people (16:50) Why concern trolling is a serious problem for those in marginalized bodies on social media (23:20) Simple tips if you are falling into patterns of shame for yourself and negative self-talk (30:55)
Quotes
“Shame is a normal human experience, but this chronically feeling shameful can be really harmful for our health, especially the mental health aspect of our overall health.” (14:30)
“That was so powerful, and really put it into perspective of why shaming people for their bodies does damage, and why shame for ourselves is really something to investigate and heal if it is persistent.” (16:47)
“Guilt may be more powerful in terms of helping us make change, and maybe less harmful to us if we are really able to make things right. But shame, especially when it comes from other people, is so damaging to us, and it can be really harmful to our health, really harmful to our mental state, and really harmful to how we see ourselves as people.” (20:59)
“Thoughts affect feelings and feelings drive our actions. So if you feel guilty, or shameful or shitty, generally speaking, how do you act or react? It is typically not going to be a change you feel really great about.” (30:24)
“Getting clear about a motivator in your life that is coming from a place of expansiveness, possibility, curiosity, growth, and transformation is far more powerful than hating yourself into change.” (34:59)
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