Marni and Chris add a bonus to the regularly scheduled Bachelor recap this week as they compare the learnings from the recent Ignite Your Life event with the important Bachelor takeaways. If you are stuck in dating and in life, this episode will help you on your journey to become unstuck.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Oversharing in dating is not vulnerability Honesty is paramount in relationships Having an agenda in dating is boring Being stuck in terminal uniqueness If you do the work, it will work The Ignite Your Life Man Panel Synopsis [2:09]As another IYL event ends, Marni notes that many of the questions the women ask of the quality men on the man-panel are eerily similar to questions of years past. Chris says this year's group seemed to be more aware of the internal work that is required to have a healthy relationship.
One question that comes up every year is — How do you know when a guy is ready to commit?
Men go through phases, just like women do and their willingness to commit is based on the work they do and what stage they are in their lives. Both men and women can keep themselves stuck because they are good at their current role as the hunter, the quality-casual dater, etc.
When people are super resistant to change and they believe their way is better for them, or they are terminally unique, they stay stuck until they become of the work they need to do. Marni adds that there are women who come back to her program and admit they were super stuck before but just hadn’t grasped how much.
Unless you implement change in your life you will continue to have the same patterns, the same outcomes, and the same disappointments.
— Data shows that if you do the work, it will work.
If you are on the path of doing the work but it is not translating into tangible results, give yourself some time. You are human. Significant behavioral changes don’t happen overnight.
Important Bachelor Takeaways [17:29]
A big reason Marni continues to unpeel the onion which is The Bachelor is that it is a way for us to recognize patterns and behaviors of the contestants that may resonate with us. What are the ladies doing that maybe we have done in the past or continue to do that keeps us stuck?
Are you a life-long bachelor contestant in real life?
Remember you are not broken. If you are having difficulty changing your behaviors, think about the challenges in your life like knots in a necklace. Some are harder to get out than others, but with patience and continued effort, you can undo the knots and find your free-flowing, self who is comfortable in dating, relationships, and life.
You just have to untangle the emotional knots that keep you stuck
Oversharing on a Date [22:47]
In this episode of The Bachelor, the producers created a ‘circle of trust’ but with no qualified professionals. Then they asked each contestant what they were not proud of in their lives. They falsely called the circle a ‘vulnerability circle’ but it was more of a ‘shame circle’ which served no purpose other than to make the ladies feel bad about themselves.
Marni reminds us that it is important to reframe the questions we ask ourselves. For example — What traumatic moments keep us stuck? — Why bring up traumas this early in the course of dating? Ladies, remember, the world is tough enough don't beat yourself up, and don’t overshare on dates.
It can be off-putting when you show your open, oozing wounds to someone too soon in a relationship.
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