Marni, Man-alist Chris Gillis, and Dr. Emily recap the final episode of Season 26 of The Bachelor. Man-child Clayton ends up with Susie, even though she ultimately turned him down after finding out about his extracurricular activities. Gabby shows her emotional maturity as Rachel loses her eyelashes but both ladies will be Bachelorettes so everyone got what they wanted, or did they?
Key takeaways from this episode:
Trust yourself when dating
Being authentic
Clayton’s Yuck Factor is Exacerbated by His Lack of Empathy [1:26]
Chris points out that Clayton utilized the word salad bucket more than once during this episode. He blankly looks at all the ladies and says he has no regrets blah, blah, blah, and we all got our happy ending. Marni and Dr. Emily agree that it was a big cop-out and easier for him than actually having some empathy for the women he falsely proclaimed his love to.
When the girls shared their feelings and got vulnerable Clayton acted like he was bored to death. He quipped that he needed to follow his heart. He was non-specific and didn't seem to care what the ladies felt. He just wanted to get it over with.
Gabby's reaction to Clayton was more empowered because she was not attracted. She flat-out told Clayton that he sounded ridiculous. And, kudos to her because she did it without acting out or getting upset. Dr. Emily points out that Gabby didn't make the rejection about herself and she didn't take it personally, which shows emotional maturity.
The difference between mature love and immature love is that when someone is operating from their unmet needs it is akin to a child trying to date and create relationships with an adult body.
Immature Versus Mature Relationships [9:16]
Dr. Emily was so disgusted by Clayton’s lack of empathy she began googling the red flags of sociopaths. To tell all the ladies he slept with the other women and then to think that everything would be fine was outrageous. Marni believes Clayton to be no better than a 15-year-old boy in the emotional sense. He is a wannabe player.
Clayton seems to think that if he feels something he is allowed to act on it as he doesn’t have ill intent. It is overly simplistic. He didn't consider anyone else's feelings. Mature love takes everyone’s feelings into account.
Dr. Emily thinks he is just peeling back the first layer of what love is. Chris doesn't think Clayton is out there to hurt anybody but Marni says he is a man-child. She adds that she thinks he is not dumb, he is just super-selfish.
Love is about caring for another person and accepting responsibility.
Do We Love the Ones We Fight for More? [32:37]
Dr. Emily points out that easy relationships may seem boring to our brains. When the beginning of a relationship is dramatic or exciting it can be interpreted as chemistry by our brains. She says it is important to remember that if someone says they don’t want to be with us we have to respect it.
If someone doesn't want to be with you, let them go. Practice dignity with dating.
When someone breaks up with another, there can be one clarifying conversation. one conversation to let the other person explain how they feel or why they are not interested but no more. Don’t let things draw out because no good can come of it.
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