This episode is about self-honoring choices, ultimatums, and jealousy in mother-daughter relationships. Today’s caller, Kristin, is looking for guidance in how to proceed after her mother gave her an ultimatum. We also look at the compensatory strategies Kristin has adopted in an effort to deal with things from her childhood.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode118]
What is a self-honoring choice? A self-honoring choice is an honest choice rooted in truth that comes from love. Kristin felt she was always in competition with her mother. She became a perfectionist as a compensatory strategy because she felt that she could only receive love if she was perfect. Through her growth work, she is starting to make self-honoring choices for herself.
What are you passionate about? What you are passionate about is often a tie into our spiritual curriculum and our parents are part of that curriculum. Remember, we choose our parents as our teachers. When our parents don’t see us for who we truly are, it can seem cruel. But, part of our soul journey is to heal from past cruelty.
What do you long for from your parents?
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there someone in your life you are not speaking to or have a strained relationship with? If you grew up with two parents, was one more challenging for you to get along with or close to? Do you tend to be attracted, date or marry people you feel you must earn their love? Do you know what self-honoring choices are? If so, do you make them regularly?
Kristin’s Question:
Kristin would like to know how to approach her mother about a recent ultimatum.
Kristin’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She was in an abusive relationship. She made a self-honoring choice. She was always in competition with her mother. Her mother was passive aggressive. She yearned for attention from her mother. Her parents had a horrible relationship. Her existence triggers her mother. She chose her mother.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
She should keep working on herself and stay strong to break the pattern of contorting herself to make her mother feel better. She should realize her mom may not be able to face her issues. She should continue making self-honoring choices.
Takeaways:
Where are you not making self-honoring choices because you are trying too much to please people? And, where are you not making self-honoring choices because you are trying to be the bigger person vs. speaking your truth? Why did you pick your parents and what are they here to teach you? Let go of who you want your parents to be. Accept the fact that if your mother or father truly saw what they needed to see about themselves in order to give you the apology you crave, it might break them.Resources:
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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