Marni welcomes Sex and Relationship Coach Melanie Curtin into the Life Check Yourself studio. Melanie is a writer with a Master’s from Stanford. She has been featured on the Today show, New York Observer, and she hosts the Dear Men Podcast: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Four reasons women are afraid to give men feedback about sex
Can chemistry be created when none exists
Tips for speaking up about what feels good
Where most men get their sexual training and why it’s bad for women
Research Says To Have Better Sex… [1:06]
Melanie started collecting data about feelings and communication with surveys embedded in her articles. She wanted to hear from other women about their sexual experiences with men, specifically if they had ever broken up with a man because of the sex.
Many of the women she surveyed said yes they did break up with men because of the sex. When asked if they offered feedback to the men they broke up with they said no, they were afraid to give men feedback.
There are four reasons women are afraid to give men feedback about sex. Melanie shares three:
They are afraid they will be attacked or shamed.
The man will withdraw and leave.
The man will compare them to another woman.
Consider feedback as an opportunity to make an adjustment rather than to take it personally. Many men feel that they should already know what they are doing. But, men are also getting most of their sexual examples from porn and porn is severely inaccurate when it comes to the time it takes a woman to achieve arousal.
It can take women over three times longer to reach full physiological arousal than men.
Can Chemistry in a Relationship Be Created? [29:28]
Melanie works with a lot of men. She says, in our culture, many men don’t show up in their full vitality and are disconnected from their power. If there isn’t chemistry at first kiss Melanie says to make sure you are fully in your feminine first and then try again. She doesn’t have a strong opinion either way on whether women should give it a second chance.
How a Woman Can Tell a Man What Feels Good [36:36]
Melanie offers up two ways women can help guide men into having a better sexual experience for both partners.
1. Mention what works for you aka positive reinforcement.
2. Let men say what works for them and ask them what their favorite part of sex was.
Figuring out your partner and how they get turned on is an act of love.
Make a Connection:
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Melanie Curtin Website & Please Her in Bed
