Marni welcomes Matthew Coast, author and dating expert, to ponder what makes men tick, and how you can attract the right men without compromising on your value system. Matthew has worked with both men and women to guide them on their dating journey. With a podcast that reaches millions of listeners, Mathew helps women shift their mindset to attract a high-quality man and high-value relationship. In this episode, the pair talk about what it means to know your value, and how to convey that. How your partner reacts to you is an indicator of his character, and his character is a good sign as to how this relationship will grow (or not grow). So, what is it that resonates with men? And how can you assert your value?
Takeaways from this episode:
- It’s about your mindset
- Be Direct
- How to be valued by your partner
- What drives him wild?
- Don’t obsess over your checklist
- His character is a good indicator
Your Clothes Don’t Need to be Gucci, as Long as Your Mindset is [02:15]
It all begins with the mindset. It’s not about what’s happening on the outside, but about what’s happening on the inside. Matthew speaks of the law of belief transference, which essentially stipulates that the person with the strongest belief will most likely transfer it to the people around them. That is, if you want to be respected and valued by a man, then you need to truly respect and value yourself.
The problem is if you don’t actually value yourself. So, what you want to think about is, ‘Do I value my own voice? Do I think what I have to say is important?
Once you shift your mindset to one that gives importance to how you value yourself, that feeling is mimicked in your external behavior. Being aware of how you value your time and your entire being, will push you to have the conversations that matter. Don’t shy away from confronting him if it’s about something that’s important to you.
Ultimately how he reacts once you voice your grievances is indicative of his character. And his character is a good sign of whether or not this will blossom into the relationship you want. If he’s someone who cares, he’ll listen and accommodate your feelings. If not, then….
Break Out From the Crowd [07:47]
Chances are if you’re in the early stages of dating, he’s been on a few other dates and had a few painful experiences. Some dates honestly feel more like interviews than what they’re actually meant to be, a fun night out where you get to connect with another human being.
Matthew explains that a lot of women come to him and they’re in a different emotional state. That is, one which is relatively extreme, where rather than go out on a date and enjoy it, they’ll interrogate their date to get an idea if this person matches their checklist. Going into something with a fun and exciting attitude with an intent to connect and see where it goes, is what will make you stand out from all his other dates. And that’s not to say that you shouldn’t be yourself but yourself is that fun, excited woman who is as happy to be on that date as he is.
Be the person you want to attract.
Voice Your Permission [11:20]
A lot of us struggle with the right way to approach a man, and whether or not we’re meant to give him straight-up permission rather than those little hints we’ve been throwing for the past month. Well, they’re as confused as we are.
Women are really good at giving hints, and guys are really bad at receiving them.
In the current climate, men aren’t always quite sure what line they’re allowed to cross and which ones they aren’t. It’s a mixture of confusion, frustration and fear in terms of what they can and can’t do. And it’s based on your permission. If you haven’t given it explicitly, sometimes things get lost in translation. That’s not to say that you need to make the first move, if you don’t want to. But extending an invitation and letting him then take the reins, clears up a lot of misconceptions and avoids time wasted. Being direct is empowering.
A lot of times, women will shut off when the person in front of them hasn’t gotten the hint. And what tends to happen as humans, according to Matthew, is that we jump to extremes because it’s easier to do so, rather than explore the middle. These extremes are where most of the problems happen, though.
The magic is almost always in the middle.
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