This coaching call is about being curious about body parts and sexuality with other children as a child and then feeling shame and guilt about it as an adult. Today’s caller, Michelle, was a curious child who did not have a good representation of what sex was. She asks for guidance on how to forgive herself and release her guilt and shame.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode431].
How do we raise children not to be ashamed of their bodies, to feel comfortable with their sexuality, and to have boundaries? It comes down to present parenting and having an open dialogue about sexuality and boundaries. Oftentimes, when we are raised with the programming that sex is saved until marriage, there’s a curiosity that isn’t quenched.
When parents don’t have conversations about human sexuality, children do not get their questions answered. Children are naturally curious and will find out on their own if a parent does not make them aware that sexual curiosity is a very natural thing that children have.
If this conversation resonates with you it is time to forgive those places inside that hold guilt and shame. It doesn’t do us any good. Healing, learning, and re-parenting our inner child is what helps us grow.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you carrying around shame and guilt from your childhood or the past?
Did you sexually explore with other children and have shame about it as an adult?
As a parent, are you thinking about how to address or handle sexuality with your child?
Are you willing to finally forgive yourself and stop punishing yourself to live the life you want?
Michelle’s Question:
Michelle asks for guidance on releasing the shame and guilt she has carried since childhood.
Michelle’s Key Insights and Ahas:
As a child, she sexually explored with a family member.
She believes it is limiting her sexual pleasure as an adult.
The exploration happened 30 years ago.
She has had a conversation about it with her husband.
She was raised in a religious home.
She has a curious nature.
Her mother spoke about sex in a way that made her uncomfortable.
She doesn’t feel she pressured anyone into sexual exploration.
She was parentified too soon.
She carries the shame deeply in her body.
She punishes herself and makes herself a villain.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Understand she was not a predator.
Forgive herself for a situation she cannot go back and change.
Forgive herself for buying into the misunderstanding that she was responsible at eight to ten years old.
Complete the Inner Child Workshop.
Write down her beliefs and judgments about her situation and forgive herself for each one.
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Resources:
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Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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