“We met at Starbucks.”
That’s what I’d tell people when they asked about how I met my girlfriend (now, wife.)
Little did they know, I was too embarrassed to tell them we met on Match.com.
I’d pepper lots of other little details (ehem: lies) about what I said and how I approached her, but my story about where we met (Starbucks) never changed.
I was even specific about the exact location—“We met at the Starbucks in downtown Brea, right next to the Corner Bakery.”
I did my best to keep my wife’s friends away from my friends at mutual gatherings, too. This is because she was honest with her friends and family about how we met.
And then there was the wedding…
We got married on a beautiful yacht, overlooking Newport Beach, CA. Everything about it was better than expected. Except for how much I was freaking out about my friends potentially finding out that I lied to them about how I met the woman I’m marrying. When we were planning seating arrangements, I had to make sure that my friends and family were on one side of the yacht, and my wife’s were on the other. Except of course, for the one’s on my wife’s side who promised to maintain my Starbucks “decoy story.”
It took me another two years after the wedding to tell my friends and family that I actually met my wife online. (And my dad still doesn’t know.)
I joke about it all now, because it seems so foolish that I’d ever hidden it in the first place. But truth be told, looking for love online is one of the most sensible things a single person can do for themselves…
I mean, where else can you find and drill down on exactly what you’re looking for in an ideal mate? At most reputable online dating services (not Tinder), you can filter from race, religion, and spiritual inclination; down to habits, ambitions, and geographical proximity.
In fact, according to Aziz Ansari’s new book, Modern Romance, over one-third of couples who got married in the US between 2005–2012 met each other on an online dating site. (And these numbers have likely shot up exponentially over the subsequent years thereafter)
That said, Ansari and his co-author Eric Klinenberg—the social scientist who helped him write this surprisingly well-researched book—say that social stigmas are still quite prevalent among people because they’re afraid to admit that they met their partner online … Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who felt the need to make up a “decoy story” about how I met my mate.
In this book summary/article/episode, we’ll be going over a few knowledge bombs gleaned from Modern Romance, including:
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