Inviting people out can sometimes be tricky. Today on the podcast John Rey helps Keiran discuss different phrases to use and different tactics to invite someone to an event without making it awkward.
K: So today I'm happy to have John Rey back on the podcast we haven't seen him for quite awhile.
K: How's it going John?
J: Um I'm great thanks a lot Keiran. I'm good you?
K: Pretty good pretty good, what's new in your life these days man?
J: Ah new in my life? Ah man just trying to uh work, create, trying to be funny, trying to make good designs, yeah that's it that's what going on what about you?
K: Ahhhh not much you know I had another stressful day of working.
J: Alright I feel you.
K: No no my works not stressful I love my work, it's just fitting everything into one day, that's the stressful part sometimes.
J: Oh yeah.
K: But anyways let's forget stress, today were going to talk about uh umm we're going to give the listeners out there some some tactful advice on how they can invite someone to an event on a date just out somewhere in general without looking awkward or making the whole invitation an inconvenient event.
K: HAve you ever had one of those where maybe you invited someone in the wrong way and it just felt kind of weird.
J: Um well I thought I was doing it well but I was talking to this girl. At least you want to ask her out, but just in a more subtle way. And I said ah we should uh go, go get something to eat. And then she just stopped me and said oh are you asking me out? Ah ummmm yes sure.
K: Yeah Well maybe maybe she wanted to uhh, well maybe maybe she' s just inquiring to whether it was as friends or romantically. Maybe she was going for the romantic one and she wanted clarification.
J: Maybe, maybe. It didn't feel like it was needed at this point of being an adult. But at least she didn't shoot me down after clarifying that so it was fine.
K: Yeah that's good man that's good. No cause I remember when I was younger, when you were younger you would call up your friend and be like hey man you want to come oer and play nintendo or something. And sometimes you would get turned down and it's just an awkward situation where he has to say no you know I'm going over to Mark's house
J: It's very awkward, it feels really awkwardly relationshipy.
K: Yeah, it's like he chose him over you and he has to hurt your feelings because of how you asked him right.
J: Especially cause you're a kid and your still insecure and you ask him why.
J: Your like what's better about Mark's place?
J: Your like ahh don't go there.
K: Yeah I mean he's got a cat and the couch smells like cat pee or something, why would you want to go to his house.
J: Like his mom has popsicles, like ah.
K: Damn my mom and her healthy eating habits. Right, but no it's funny cause that situation doesn't resolve itself over time like, inviting someone out. I think if you do it wrong it's always a stressful or it can lead to personal stress or embarrassment or awkwardness because someone has to reject someone right? If it's don
J: That's true, so what's uh, what's your move?
K: Well I want to give one example of something that happened to me, when I was in university this girl she was a really nice girl, she was at the gym I used to go to. And she wasn't really the body size I was attracted to.
K: And she asked me point blank. Hey have you ever been to the jazz fest. And I was like no, it sounds really great I always want to try going to it.
K: And she was like do you want to go with me on Saturday.
J: That's very direct.
K: And I was like uhhhh... yeah and I liked her and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. But at the same time she kinda already asked if I was interested in it and I said yes.
J: so it was a setup, ok I get it, that's messed up.
K: Yeah, so then I think I lied my way out of it. I think I just said no I have a family thing.
J: Ok, you tried to let her down easy.
K: Right I'm not just blatantly going no I don't want to hang out with you
J: Yeah I actually love this activity I just don't want to take part in it with you.
K:Right, exactly. So I think what I learnt from that situation and from I guess just polishing myself socially, is whenever I invite someone to something I just say hey I'm going out to do this later if you're interested just send me a text and we can meet up somewhere.
J: That's good, that way they can say yes or say nothing.
K: Right exactly, so they message you if they want to come. Or maybe they can just say ah I was busy next time they want to meet.
J: Yeah, there's no there's no pressure basically.
K: Do you have any other ideas that you use? Or is there anything you should avoid when you invite someone to something?
J: Um I think um, well something to avoid, I should just mention this but uh asking why they can't after, its just pointless. If you get a no just move on. You know, just move on with your life. Its fine. Uh something I like to do, its more in the cause the dating situation, is more just say directly we should do this.
J: Yeah, but not necessarily give um give a date on it. Um lets say we should get a drink. And the person, if there interested they'll go oh yeah I can on Saturday what about you?
K: Right, yeah that's smart cause when you say we should do this, you're kinda like, you're throwing out the invitation and you're kinda gauging their interest level
K: Right so if they don't really bite, meaning if they don't say something to indicate they're interested in it, then you can just abandon, abandon ship and not force that issue right?
J: True I guess it's similar to you in the sense that with uh you try to make it open ended where you can say yes or you can say nothing and I get it.
J: you know
K: yeah and that point you said about why is so true. I think why, why is I dunno, about 70 or 80 % of the time its just a bad question.
J: There' noth, there's no information your going to get from that answer that's going to help.
K: yeah it's like, like ask me uh, invite to something.
J: Oh Keiran tomorrow there's uh a show do you want to go to see it?
K: Why not man?
K: Well uhh you know I just I just going out with Gabriel so it's kind like a two person event
K: so we cant really you know, I mean it's not that we don't like you
K: It's not that I don't want you at that event
K: It's just that why did you say why? Why did you put me in this situation?
J: Because I hate myself Keiran, because I needed the confirmation that I'm right to hate myself.
K: That's such a funny thing, I even noticed sometimes um my daughter.Kids are just so happy, for no reason. And it's amazing
J: It's great
K: It's an amazing part of being a kid. and someone said to my daughter why are you happy? Like what are you happy about? And she just had this confused look on her face like like why are you asking me that?
J: Why would you even question that? What kind of sad mean bastard would ask why I child was happy.
K: Yeah it's just why is such a bad question sometimes.
J: that sounds like a villain in a disney movie.
J: You know
K: Alright, so let's just reiterate this John.
J: Mmm Hmm
K: What was your advice for the people out there when they're going to invite someone out there to an event how would you do it?
J: I would try to make an open invitation but not to say fix on a date, for example the jazz festival is for two weeks, would you like to see one of the shows? and the person will answer there's this show on Thursday I would really like to see that. Or if there not interested they would go, oh nah nah I'm really busy this month or whatever.
K: Right that's great, so you say just give kinda like an open invitation to gauge their interest, if their interested then you guys can you know set a date.
J: Yeah exactly, so it's more of a we both want to do this instead of I'm imposing this on you right now.
K: right. Ok let's talk about one more thing quickly. Sometimes you guys have an event planned
J: Mm hmm.
K: Or I have an event planned and someone backs out.
K: Youu they drop out of the event, and if it's a group event it's not, it's usually not a big deal right?
J: Yeah that's true, at least you're not just leaving someone stuck alone so you don't feel that bad.
K: Right, but sometimes everyone gets what I would call, blown off.
J: Oh sure
K: and how do you, if this has ever happened to you how do you think you should handle this situation?
J: Uhh if I'm doing the blowing off or if I'm the one in the group
K: Ok let's say both of them.
K: If you blow if you blow somebody off what do you say or how do you it?
J: Ah well I'll try to do it as early as possible. Just you know so they're not stuck. Or let's say it was something I was going to pitch in paying. They're not stuck paying more because of me. Umm yeah and just say oh you know what sorry guys I cant make it this day but I hope you have fun.
J: Yeah just really simple exit like that, try not to be too inconvenient.
K: And what about if you get blown off last minute how do you deal with those feelings or how do you act in that situation?
J: I try really not to be sour about it. If someone say they cant make it. I say no problem catch you next time you know have fun or hope your grandma gets better I dunno, whatever, whatever they said.
K: Yeah exactly, and probably not ask why, right.
J: exactly not ask any questions, good point, just uh, just let them live their life. If they didn't want to or couldn't it doesn't make a difference why.
K: Right, alright, alright great alright guys we're going to wrap up the podcast, so thanks John for coming on here and helping us again.
J: Thanks for having me Keiran it was fun.
K: And that's it guy, if you guys listen to this podcast one more time it has some great information in it about how to invite someone out in a non awkward way. And what to do if you get blown off. And we'll catch you guys on the next podcast of Unnnnnnnnnnncensored English!