Today’s caller, Corinna, is deciding whether or not to stay in her marriage. Many of us often struggle with whether to stay or go in a relationship. Sometimes the answer is clear, but often it is not. First, there is the love and the history of a relationship including shared assets, children and pets. Second, there is the uncertainty that goes along with making the decision. Ending any type of relationship is not easy and making the choice to do it is hard. We often look for reasons to blame the other person. We collect evidence against them so our decision to leave is easier.
We want to be happy and we think leaving the relationship is the answer. But, just leaving on the energy of blame and rebellion is not enough and does not give the opportunity to learn the lessons the relationship is there to teach us.
If we end something out of fear annoyance or blame, we will have to learn the same lesson over again, with someone else.
I’ve heard people use the advice that the best way to get over someone is to get over someone else. That’s terrible advice. You only end up using the person you are getting over and once all the hormones wear off, you will be left with the same unresolved stuff you didn’t deal with in the previous relationship. You may then think you keep picking the wrong person, but in reality, the common denominator in the relationship is you.
Don’t do a reactionary breakup. Don’t leave because you refuse to take an honest look at your side of the street. Stop resisting the learning and stop blaming the other person. When we feel blocked about making a choice, it’s often because we are not ready to make it.
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Corinna is having issues in her marriage. She feels she is isolating herself and is uncertain about her decision to stay married.
Corinna's Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Assignments and Takeaways:
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