As of the date this episode was released it is Thanksgiving Day here in the US. It is always a good time to be thankful for all the blessings in our lives. It’s too easy to focus on what’s missing and what’s not going right and that creates a very unpleasant experience. Taking the time to reflect on what we have and what’s going right creates a peaceful and grateful state of mind that can help us to stay calm and in action. If you have not yet added a gratitude practice in your daily routing I’m going to highly recommend it.
One thing I am incredibly grateful for this week is all the changes that have been happening to my website. More changes are going to roll out over time but for now womentakingthelead.com definitely has a new look and feel to it. I would love for you to check it out and let me know what you think. Many of the best ideas for my business including the website, this podcast, and the services I provide have come from my clients and community. Sometimes we’re too close to something to see the obvious so I am grateful for any feedback I can get; positive, negative or neutral.
This episode is the fourth and last episode in a series based on one of the most impactful books I have ever read, The Four Agreements, and an event that I attended in Portland, Maine. The speakers at the event I attended were don Miguel Ruiz Sr., who is the author of The Four Agreements, and his sons don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. and don Jose Ruiz.
In this series I’m sharing with you the notes I took that evening and some of my thoughts around the material. The agreements I’ve covered in the first three episodes where Be Impeccable with Your Word, Always Do Your Best and Don’t Take Anything Personally. I’ve introduced each agreement in the order in which they were presented at the event.
There was one agreement left as don Jose Ruiz came to the stage, Don’t Make Assumptions. And again a twist on how to apply this agreement to your life was presented.
From the book The Four Agreements the guidance for Don’t Make Assumptions reads, “Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”
When I read The Four Agreements 20 years ago I read this agreement as relating mostly to not making assumptions about other people. However, don Jose Ruiz focused mostly on not making assumptions about yourself. I went back to the book to see if this was a completely new twist and discovered it was not.
Be open to avoid making assumptions. Open your heart.
Remember who you are. You are a temple of love.
You can overcome anything, including yourself.
You are here to love unconditionally and that includes yourself.
If you are not happy with yourself how can you be happy with another?
You are the love of your own life. Love yourself so you can love another.
Be skeptical of the negativity you direct at yourself: that you are not perfect, that you are not enough and that you cannot change.
Respect and love yourself. What do you love about your temple?
We assume people see things the way we do and so when they do not say and do what we think they should be saying and doing we assume it’s for a negative reason.
This is why we struggle with being ourselves. We are such a harsh critic of ourselves we assume if others knew “the real” us they would judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves. In this way we project our view of the world onto other, thus completely misunderstanding the other person and internally or externally attacking the other person for intentions they do not have.
To stop this vicious cycle we have to (one) change the way we treat ourselves. Again, you are the love of your own life. Love yourself so you can love others. And (two) ask other people what their view is, what their intentions are.
We are wired to need to understand, to have the answer to questions that float through our mind. If we do not seek the truth we will make stuff up to have any answer even if it is incorrect. This causes so much suffering.
That is why with the one agreement to Don’t Make Assumptions you can completely transform your life.
Can you imagine how this one agreement could change who you are as a leader and as a business owner?
By not making assumptions you are less like to take things personally and be hurt by others words or actions. Making assumptions is the breeding ground for taking things personally. It’s a one-two punch.
Take some time today to imagine what life would be like if you were no longer emotionally derailed by other people; if, rather than need to expend energy on managing your emotions, you could calmly and directly ask questions to get the heart of the situation.
How much more could you accomplish in a day, a week or a year? It will blow your mind if you take some time to think about it.
And if this is something you struggle with reach out to me. This is part of the work I do with my clients. With the process I take them through they get so much energy back that they in turn use to hit their goals and create even better ones. Don’t go it alone if you don’t have to.
CTA: Before I wrap this up I want to invite you to go to womentakingthelead.com take a look around at the site and give me your feedback you can reach me at Jodi at womentakingthelead.com or message me on any social media platform. I am eager to hear what you think and I don’t take anything personally; it’s all valuable information to me.
As always, I hope this was of value to you and here’s to your success!
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