In the Middle of It with Amy Kelly, The Ish Girl
Critical Inner Voice? Here's How to Fix It (and Your Teen's Too!) Part 2
Biggest Takeaways:
THINKS acronym
T – Is it true?
H – Is it helpful?
I – Is it inspiring?
N - Is it necessary?
K – Is it kind?
S – is it something you’d say to a friend?
Click here for a free THINKS printable to download!
Reframe your thoughts in a way that’s encouraging and inspiring.
Embrace yourself wholly – “I made that mistake and I’m loveable and worthy of belonging.” Accepting your good, bad, and ugly means you can accept others’ good, bad, and ugly as well.
Reframe and reconcile after a mess-up. “Yes, I’m mad – AND I love you and think you’re wonderful.
Empathize with your teen and encourage him – as long as it’s something where they are in control of the outcome. Things under their umbrella of responsibility – not the outcome. Not “how do you get an “’A’” – it’s “What are your study habits like? What are you capable of? What process can get you where you want to go?
Not “Did you do your best?” because how much of your work is your best? It’s not sustainable. It sets kids up for shame and anxiety. Rather, use open-ended questions, like:
Did you show up?
How do you feel about it?
What was that like for you?
What results do you want and how can you get there?
How are you managing your priorities?
Expecting teens to have the same priorities as you can be shaming – offer empathy and hold them to your expectation.
Many minimize the impact of their thinking – because it affects the body. Over time, you’re tearing your body down by the effects of destructive thinking.
Strive for self-compassion rather than condemnation.
What is your goal? Something you have no control over, will be stressful and energy-zapping. But, if your goal is something you control, then you’ll have spent your energy well. (Example: Rather than people-pleasing for approval, let your motivation be to serve others with your gifts. Then, at the end of the day, you’ve done that whether or not the person you’ve served is happy or not.)
We want this for our teens, but, we have to have it first. We must find ourselves valuable enough to gift ourselves with a positive inner voice, and in that way, we’ll be gifting our teens.
Referenced in this Episode
Planting Seeds Counseling and Coaching http://plantingseedscc.com/
The Ish Girl’s THINK Printable