I don't know about you but I feel like this season is going by at lightning speed. There's so much I'm doing and accomplishing and yet there's so much more I want to do and accomplish that I'm finding I have to be very intentional about taking breaks to do nothing.
In fact, when I realized it had been years since I'd read a fiction novel I committed to read at least one this summer. I got my Portland Public Library card and by recommendation from the Women Taking the Lead private Facebook group I checked out The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley and it is so good!
I've also discovered the podcast Binge Mode Harry Potter and that is just a pure pleasure. Warning: it is not for children or for someone who has just started getting into the Harry Potter series. They swear and their conversations contain adult content and they tie themes between all 7 books and all 8 movies in any given episode.
The Mists of Avalon and Binge Mode Harry Potter, that's what I'm up to right now in my down time and transition time.
In my business I've also been working on putting my presentations and workshops into DIY formats that you can purchase right from this website under the Products tab at the top of the page. I've also been working on polishing the marketing materials and documents for the Executive Leadership Coaching arm of my business. That has been very gratifying and fun to work on.
Overall the summer has been a nice mix of business and pleasure and I'll give more updates in next week's month end update on goals episode.
Today I want to talk about the connection between your sense of self-worth and your ability to achieve a goal. I want to start with this quote by Brené Brown.
You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.
~ Brené Brown
From the moment we’re born, we’re taught the importance of achieving in life.
Parents, teachers and coaches counsel us that setting goals and striving for them is what life is all about. And it's true, achieving goals is an integral part of a successful personal and business life.
But too many times along the way, we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. And when we can’t meet those exaggerated or mismatched goals, our self-worth plummets. We beat ourselves up, forgetting that we aren’t perfect. We decimate our own self-worth.
Forgiving others is important. But forgiving ourselves – that’s essential.
Do You Think You’re Worthy?
If you don’t think you’re worth it, you won’t invest in what it will take to be happy in your career. Career happiness takes effort – you can’t set it and just forget it.
How we value ourselves determines if we’ll take the risks or make the investments necessary to succeed in both our business and personal lives.
Sadly, if we don’t respect ourselves, that self-defeating philosophy affects our entire life.
When our self-worth takes a nosedive, we often try to overcompensate in other ways. This is also where perfectionism will take over. We will try too hard to show we are worthy and valuable – over-promising or making too many commitments at once - and end up running ourselves into the ground to keep up appearances.
Or, we may give up too soon, never living up to our true potential.
The result is frustration, overwhelm, and a whole lot of unnecessary stress. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Improve Your Self-Worth: Appreciate Your Value
You are responsible for naming and achieving your own success. Each person has their own innate gifts and talents that can enhance their career. Follow your path - not someone else’s. Stop being influenced by what other people do or think.
To give your self-esteem a boost, try these practices:
- Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Recognize that at that time you were doing your best, you learned a lesson and now you can give yourself permission to move on.
- Identify your strengths and how you can incorporate them into your life. This is a vital exercise I take you through in my goal-setting product because when we leverage our strengths we make achieving a goal so much easier. That sounds like a no-brainer but often we are not present to what our strengths are and we dismiss them as common when they are far from common.
- Develop a mindset that validates you, not diminishes you. Our brain has a negativity bias and if left untrained it will mainly focus on what's wrong, what has not been accomplished yet. That causes you to lose sight of what is going well and what has been accomplished thus far. Make it a practice to think about how far you've come in the past 5, 10, 20 years and all the things you are doing right to move yourself closer to your goals.
Self-Compassion – A Key to Success?
Research by Juliana Breines and Serena Chen at Berkeley suggests self-compassion may be the key to your true potential. “Self-compassion is a willingness to look at your own mistakes and shortcomings with kindness and understanding — it’s embracing the fact that to err is indeed human.”
Hundreds of years ago when Alexander Pope wrote “To err is human, to forgive divine,” he had a good understanding of human behavior. It’s hard to forgive ourselves when we’ve made a mistake; after all, we’re groomed throughout life to try to be perfect.
Reality check: no one is perfect.
Do you set expectations for yourself that no one could achieve only to berate yourself for having failed?
Start Increasing Your Self-Worth Today
There are many ways to help you increase your self-worth - some are simple things we may have forgotten to do:
Be honest with yourself about everything, including your expectations. Listen to yourself – and silence the inner critic who tells you you're not good enough. Take a chance on something. Quit gossiping – you know you have better ways to spend your time. Never let anyone attempt to change your core values. Reward yourself for your achievements – no matter how small. Reach out to others when you need help. Make a list of your best attributes. Ditch the negative naysayers who are pulling you down. Remind yourself that you have the power of choice.Many of my clients suffer from setting unrealistic expectations for themselves. The remedy? I recommend a good dose of self-forgiveness for any perceived mistakes - and tons of self-care.
For one person in particular, I suggested she imagine herself as her 3-year-old self – and speak and relate to herself as that child (to curb self-abuse). You would be amazed at how this simple practice can work wonders for your overall self-worth.
Self-worth doesn’t come from something outside yourself. It comes from within.
Why not try to make every day Thanksgiving?
Be thankful for the talents you have.
Be thankful for each day that you can truly live and learn.
Re-discover what brings you peace, joy, and fulfillment.
Your self-worth has nothing to do with your craft or calling, and everything to do with how you treat yourself. ~ Kris Carr
As always I hope this was of value to you and here’s to your success!
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ResourcesCreate Goals that are Worthy of you: If you are done with either pursuing vanilla goals, suffering through the struggle of goals that are not aligned with your strengths, or dealing with heartbreak of an unattainable goal this course is for you!
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Accomplished: How to Go from Dreaming to Doing: A simple, step by step system that gives you the foundation and structure to take your goals and make them happen.
