Teresa’s got a drink in her hand, and Bryan is at the ready with the sound effects. Adam immediately jumps into what a white town Irvine is. The people at the gas station trust you with your credit cards, and even the bathroom was clean! Adam gets in a few rounds of What Can’t Adam Complain About, and Teresa reveals an interesting bathroom habit she has for her first dates. Later they talk with Isaac Hayes about the afterlife.
The top news story is Mel Gibson’s latest racial slur. His baby mama Oksana Grigorieva has audio of various racial rants, and also threats of him burning his house down. Adam thinks it’s hilarious when people weave insults into their backhanded compliments. Either way, the NAACP is not accepting an apology. When Adam asks where Danny Glover comes down on all this, Bryan says he’s too old for this shit.
After a story about Tori Spelling’s husband, Dana Gould comes onto the program and talks about his recent trip to China. He says that there is a one-child policy there that heavily favors boys, so they adopted a baby girl. Dana talks about the weirdest thing he saw in the city, and also talks about how his daughters are reacting to the newest member of their family. Dana also says that ‘Asian chicks are off limits now.’ Wiping his new daughter’s poop, he can only see the same image on the women he sees on the street. The boys also crack wise about homeless dogs and transvestites.
For a segment of Huell’s Jewels, the whole gang does running commentary while clips from Huell Howser’s PBS program plays in the background. Between clips, they pause and talk about what they just saw. Most of the conversations on the show itself are painfully boring, but everyone has a great time tossing out jokes about rocks you can lick, and the Bagdad Cafe.
Teresa attempts to do the second bit of the news, but Dana and Adam keep jumping in with chauvinistic jokes and comments about Elena Kagan’s confirmation process (‘not jerkable’). Eventually we hear the story of Germany man on a train arrested for having an Adolf Hitler ringtone, but somehow they go off topic and end up talking about porn and accidental ‘mangasms’.
The last set of news stories deals with a judge in Ohio who got mad at a man for spitting on his jury. He punished him by forcing him to wear a diaper and mosquito net over his face. Teresa next news story involves the sale of an interesting looking couch, but Adam explains he does not want a used, ‘fully functional’ vagina couch. Adam recalls the old days when people would just sell normal shit.
They talk about the fact that Tiger Woods is about to be single again, and even though he and his wife had a prenup, speculations of how much money Elin Woods will get in the divorce are sky high. The final news story revolves around Sean Penn’s new movie about a surfer who quit his job and took his kids surfing around the world. Dana is already very familiar with the story, and says it’s exactly like Sean’s last movie, Into the Wild.
To hear more from Dana Gould, visit his website at: www.danagould.com
Or follow him on Twitter @DanaJGould
As always, Bryan is at www.aninconvenienttumor.com
And Teresa is at www.exploitingmybaby.com
Executive Producer: Donny Misraje
Producer: Angie Fitzsimmons
Writer: Mike Lynch
Audio: Mike Dawson
Search: Logan Moy
Build and Edit: Katie Levine
Show Summary: Matt Fondiler
