Standing in the supermarket. The phone goes. It's my husband. I just start crying, and eventually manage to say, "I'm not coping." He says, "Where are you? I'll be there soon."
Wow, this whole morning has taken me by surprise. I thought I'd be okay, that I'd just push through as normal. But apparently no. Tears. Tears. And more tears. I'd already cried a couple of bucket fulls earlier during my prayer time, then while doing the ironing, and then when driving children around - thank God for sunglasses!
In the middle of these unexpected tears I receive a text from a friend saying she was praying for me. When I responded with how I was feeling she shared this scripture ...
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8
Praise God for family and friends. He knows that we cannot do this life alone. We need Him. We need other people. We need love. We need peace.
It was the morning of Victoria's scan, number 26! And potentially the last one ever! The tears were another level of the grieving for a childhood that has not been not as it should have. We are so grateful that she is still with us, as we know that is not the outcome for all families on the cancer journey. But there has still been loss. Loss of a carefree childhood.
In these times of unexpected tears I know where I have to go.... to that place where I am close to God. The place where I can be still and know that He is God, and that He will be exalted. The place that is the shadow of His wings.
When you sit enthroned under the shadow of Shaddai, you are hidden in the strength of God Most High. He’s the hope that holds me and the Stronghold to shelter me, the only God for me, and my great confidence. Psalm 91:1-2 TPT
It is not a tangible place. Rather it is a posture of my heart. Me knowing in my heart that God is real and that He cares about every aspect of my life, our marriage and our children's lives. It is a place where I can grieve but still know that there is hope and that it is good and right to have confidence in my God, the creator of Heaven and Earth.
[Most] blessed is the man who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the Lord, and whose hope and confidence the Lord is. Jeremiah 17:7 AMPC
We will all have those days when the tears unexpectedly come. Those times are an opportunity to be still and experience more of God's great love for us, His children.
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are. 1 John 3:1 NIV
So let's not fight back the tears, but rather embrace them, and let our heart soften and lean a little further towards our Heavenly Father.
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