Have you ever been lenient with your non-negotiables? Do you put other people first and allow others to treat you accordingly? If you continue to put yourself last so will the people you let into your life.
Marni welcomes the Founder of Walking Inside Resources, Anne Beaulieu. Anne is an emotional intelligence coach, speaker, and author. She understands what it is like to be a badass woman today. Anne helps us answer the question “What does it mean to be authentic and integrated into all of who we are?” The process begins with increasing our emotional intelligence.
Key Takeaways:
What is emotional intelligence? Distilling wants into needs The first 3-weeks of a relationship should be... Sticking to non-negotiables Becoming self-aware The #1 killer of relationships Healthy conflict resolution process How to gain intimacy and create deep connections with othersEmotional Intelligence in Dating [2:11]
In the context of dating, emotional intelligence is knowing the difference between your wants and your needs. It's vastly different than asking someone what they want. Many women say they want certain things in a partner but what they need is only one or two things. It’s a litmus test to keep us from being vague.
Why is it hard for women to consider what we need versus what we want?
We have been trained by society to put our needs last. We apply that mentality and the limiting beliefs to everything we do.
Feeling can be scary for most people. It makes us fully accountable for every experience we have brought into our life.
It's easy to put other people's needs first even if we are resentful about it or exhausted by it.
To assign meaning to something we must feel it first. When we become vulnerable with what we need, it is easier to develop a healthy relationship with someone else.
So, how do we distill our wants down into our needs?
Anne says it is as simple as asking yourself one question. If you nail this question, your life will change right away. "What does this mean to you?" Real healthy, relationships are specific.
The Emotional Intelligence Litmus Test for a Date [12:29]
To find out the emotional IQ of the guys we are dating Anne recommends using the first three weeks of dating as an interview period and:
Keeping your panties on during the interview process. During the first three dates find out what you love about them. Find three things that get on your nerves. Ask the hard questions. Get clear about what you need before you enter a relationship.
If you wouldn't date someone who isn't self-aware why would someone date you if you are not self-aware. Like attracts like.
If you are dating someone who triggers the crap out of you, it's because those issues are unresolved within yourself. If they were resolved you would never agree to date someone like that in the first place.
The 4 EQ Quadrants and How to Use Them [23:49]
Anne breaks down the framework of emotional intelligence into 4 quadrants. They are:
Self-awareness is most important (know thyself) . We can only be aware of others to the extent we are aware of ourselves.
Awareness of others.
Managing relationship with self.
Managing the relationship with others.
This can be applied to any relationship . It's the key to having deep connections.
Self-empowerment is feeling what works for us and what does not work for us and changing for the better.
Knowing what you are willing to tolerate and what you are willing to accept, and your non-negotiables. Most women compromise on their non-negotiables. and that is what creates our biggest heartaches.
Go through the 4 quadrants and take an honest assessment.
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