Marni coaches Jasmine to date as a woman of value and that dating should be more than just hanging out or having an encounter. Jasmine has a pattern of accepting less than what she is worth when dating. They discuss how Jasmine can change her behavior and communicate clearly what she wants and what she deserves to get past the second or third date with a high-quality man.
Key Takeaways:
Showing up as a woman of value Communicating your needs Attracting high-quality guys Gaining confidence Breaking bad dating behaviors Setting boundariesDiscovering Jasmine’s Dating Patterns [1:37]
Jasmine says it’s normally not a problem to get a second date with the guys she meets. They pursue her for the second meet-up. But she says the second date may be more of an encounter or just hanging out.
Marni reminds her that men often say that how the relationship starts that is how it's going to end. When a guy feels like he doesn't have to put forth any effort or investment he unconsciously feels like 'this woman isn't a woman of value'.
Quality men are attracted to grounded and confident women. Because she is unsure of her value she doesn’t know how to communicate what she wants from dating. She doesn't like the 'if you want to come over, come over' scenario but she puts up with it. She wants to feel safe and not to get hurt. She just needs to change her behavior and communicate it.
Being the low hanging fruit is easy. But it sends the wrong message.
Setting Boundaries and Showing Up as a Woman of Value [10:55]
Be the person you want to attract. If the guy can be lazy about dating you he won’t put much into a relationship anyway.
Marni shares some strong but flirty language Jasmine can use to get what she wants out of a relationship. To make sure the guy is worth her time she needs to have her needs of feeling secure met.
The guy needs to make an effort to date you. Marni reminds Jasmine that if she just has encounters she is making it too easy for the guys who aren’t looking for something serious.
Jasmine needs to build her self-worth by changing her behavior with the guys she is meeting now. She needs to train a guy to treat her how she wants to be treated.
The Takeaways and A-Ha’s [21:39]
Jasmine feels good about asking for what she wants. She trusts herself and she has self-respect. She wants to date with her dignity intact. When she starts pivoting she will meet men who treat her the way she wants to be treated.
The right guy wants to make you happy. Tell him and teach him how to do it.
And, she will get more dates when she starts dating men who are actually dating and not just hanging out.
Jasmine’s homework is to collect data and change her behaviors. Her big A-Ha’s were:
It’s ok to say what she wants. To realize men aren’t mind readers. Make sure her words and actions match if she expects that in return. Text messaging shouldn't be more than 2 or 3 times back and forth. She will remove the word ‘encounter’ from her dating vocabulary. She is only going on dates.
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