In this practical conversation about refocusing your attention on yourself to have a healthier dating life, Marni speaks with author and podcast host Kasie Main. Kasie discusses her book, I Gave Up Men For Lent: The story of a jaded, hopelessly romantic, health-conscious party girl’s search for meaning, and the strategies she used to shift her mindset around dating.
Key takeaways from this episode:
The difference between wanting and needing a relationship Getting in touch with who you really are How to overcome resistance when examining your motives The importance of discovering your ‘why’ Shifting your mindset around dating
Finding Balance When You’re Out of Control [2:38]
Kasie reflects on a time when she was a people pleaser only doing what other people expected of her. She admits to getting off track of what she really wanted from life and focusing too much attention on finding a partner. Her past was littered with Disney movies and stereotypes that fostered the belief that she had to find her better half to be complete. She had an attachment to how her life was supposed to look.
She shares a personal story of a night out that led to massive guilt and shame. It was then that her intuition told her enough is enough. She knew she needed a change so she gave up men and a few other distractions for lent.
Kasie admits she is still in process and doesn't have it all figured out. But, she says, taking the first step of becoming aware that she needed a relationship with herself was paramount to being emotionally healthy. For 40-days she refocused her attention toward herself.
Overcoming Residual Feelings [23:19]
Journaling made a major impact on Kasie’s search to uncover past patterns and discover her ‘why’. She says that writing out her experiences helped her take a deep dive into her motivations. Her book, I Gave Up Men for Lent is based on her journal entries. Sharing her shame and guilt with others allowed her to release it completely.
We are always doing the best we can, even when it doesn't look like it. Self-introspection allows us to shift our mindset and ultimately have healthier relationships because we have a better relationship with ourselves.
The Hardest Part of the 40-Day Project [32:14]
By completely removing dating from her life, Kasie wondered if she was being too extreme. She had the courage to take the first step but found herself wondering if she had taken it too far. The hardest part of Kasie’s process was finding a balance. Success came from her self-actualization and not from the stringent rules she placed on herself.
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