The Bachelor is back! Marni and her favorite man-panelist, Chris Gillis break down Episode 4 to pull out all the juicy nuggets you need to know. Together, they translate the show’s drama into real-life dating and relationship scenarios that you can use in your life to make finding a high-quality guy easier.
Key takeaways from this episode:
The downsides of being too nice Setting boundaries What to do if you run into an ex when you are on a date Being specific about your needs and speaking your truth The benefits of being vulnerable
Why Being Too Nice is the Worst [2:25]
In episode four, Pilot Pete is indecisive. He doesn't trust himself. He doesn't know what he is looking for. He seems inauthentic and wishy-washy. It doesn’t seem as if he is trying to get to know the women and he thinks he is playing it safe.
Chris says has been on both ends of the spectrum in dating. He has been the person who was too nice and he has had a girl be too nice to him. In his experience, it just causes problems for both parties. He had a friend who would ghost girls because he didn't have the balls to tell them he wasn't interested. It hurts people.
Ladies, if a guy does this to you take it as a sign that the guy is not the type of guy you want to be with anyway. It's manipulative to not speak your truth. You can't make everyone love you. A strong connection can never be formed with someone afraid of showing who they are.
Runing Into an Ex [9:57]
During the show, Peter and Victoria F. are on a date when she sees one of her ex’s. She creates hella drama and makes the situation uncomfortable.
Marni says if this happens to you do the opposite of what Victoria F. did. Don't make it a big deal of it. Don't create the drama.
Victoria F. shut down and was too in her head to have fun. She was too worried about making Peter uncomfortable and about what he would think.
If you are honest with your date about knowing the other person, your date’s reaction will tell you a lot about him. A douchey guy will react with jealousy and rudeness. You will know you don't want to date him again.
When and How to Show Vulnerability [20:04]
If you are hung up on someone or not in integrity with yourself like Peter is on Hannah B. it impacts your ability to connect with other people. A high-quality guy will know that you are wishy-washy and not be interested.
Peter runs from conflict. He doesn't stand up for himself. It’s hard to decipher what he believes in because he avoids difficult conversations. Whereas Hannah B. on the Bachelorette would show up and say you guys need to stop. The right men were impressed by that. Peter lacks the confidence to set boundaries and ask for what he wants.
You can be vulnerable. take responsibility for what you want, and create connection. If you just say "I'm trying my best, I'm sorry" it doesn’t offer the other person a way forward.
Marni says if you have a complaint add 'what I need is' and state what you need.
There is a power in being specific about what your needs are.
There is power in having empathy
Chris thinks the women who are the front runners are not getting a lot of camera time because they don't pick fights or tear other women down.
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