Sometimes a relatively minor issue — like students not remembering to put their names on their papers — can create an outsized reaction in us. That’s certainly been true for me — as a new teacher, I couldn’t believe I was having to remind the kids AGAIN to write the proper heading (yes, friends, on EVERY assignment).
The real source of my frustration wasn’t no-name papers, though. It was my belief that students should have internalized all classroom procedures early in the school year, and would therefore not need any more reminders after that.
Turns out, this expectation is neither factual nor realistic. It was my own secret rule — an expectation that only existed in my mind, but wasn’t true for everyone else around me.
Secret rules are the reason why the exact same behavior can elicit annoyance in one person, and not in another.
When you are aware that everyone has their own set of secret rules, it becomes far less frustrating when people don’t follow yours. You realize they are not necessarily being inconsiderate, rude, or disrespectful.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to identify your own secret rules and how those conflict with the secret rules of the people around you. And, you’ll learn how to get curious rather than judgmental. Explore your secret rules, and consider what secret rules might be driving other people’s decision-making. This process will give you distance from the little stuff that’s bothering you so that you can be more at peace within yourself and with others.
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