Healthy Boundaries and Social Distancing? Not the Same Thing

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

One of my all-time favorite podcasts is Episode 16, where my good friend Tami Schow and I talk about healthy boundaries.

Given the COVID-19 self-quarantine that we're all experiencing, I thought healthy boundaries might be a great thing to talk about. And no, it's not another way of saying "social distancing!" Nope, they happen when we recognize what we actually have control over, and what we don’t.

SOME THINGS TO REMEMBER ABOUT HEALTHY BOUNDARIES You have your own umbrella.

So does everyone else. Underneath it are your own thoughts, feelings, values, etc.

You are not responsible for what is under anyone else’s umbrella.

And no one else is responsible for what’s under yours.

When you try to take responsibility for anyone else’s thoughts, feelings, values, etc., you are under their umbrella, not your own.

When you’re under someone else’s umbrella, it means they don’t have to be responsible for their own stuff – because you’re doing the job for them

What Healthy Boundaries Look Like with Our Teens Our teens have their own umbrellas.

Trying to control their thoughts, feelings, values, etc. will backfire

When we dialog about what is good, loving, and healthy rather than what makes me happy, we can have more productive conversations

When you have teens, there are lots of gray areas.

Sometimes you hold conflicting values – you have to figure out what value has priority in that moment and situation

My teens have the freedom to adopt or reject my values and beliefs.

My responsibility as a parent is to train, model, and reinforce with the hope that they will adopt my values and beliefs.

Navigating the COVID-19 Scare

Speaking of favorites, here is a quote that's been helpful as we face the uncertainty of the Coronavirus pandemic.

 "Whenever we feel anxious, fearful, or worried, we’re living in the suffering of something that’s not here yet as if it were. If we can do that, then we can do the opposite too – look at what we want and imagine what we’d feel if we had it today. We can feel THAT now as if it was here." ~ Brandon Lucero