My drunken, multi-stream meltdown, the New Project 2 Mafia and Sean the Capo, fake white nationalism, returning shopping carts, Screwy Louie has a date, Null calls in to talk kids, legacies, and the burning trash fire I dumped in his lap, Maddox is pretending to be a cowboy for some reason, Chris the Kiwi has a busy weekend, Mersh from Revenge of the Cis talks about strip clubs, and how to keep your wife busy at home; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
I have a feeling that this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful arc, and once again, my dick has kickstarted an attention whore apocalypse, a live streamer Civil War, if you will, an Internet 9/11 Part 2. Ralph is going to fight a fat Canadian, Kiwi Farms is in revolt against moderation, and Sean couldn’t care less. What else is new? Speaking of my capo Sean, we’re doing a bonus episode with Karl from “Who Are These Podcasts” soon, let me know what sick show we should review in the comments! But first…
Legacy issues. For computer nerds, that describes problems with old component parts and outdated software that no longer functions in today’s environments and cannot easily be replaced. The old shit doesn’t work with the new shit. That’s legacy problems. For purposes of this episode, it also describes the trend of young men to be concerned about their legacy. I’ve never understood this.
You’re dead, you rot in the ground. If you’re one of the lucky few, a kid in forth grade will write an essay about you that they hate doing and that serves no purpose. For the unlucky few, they will be quoted endlessly in only arguments, their words and intentions and actions and the size of their dick will be twisted and perverted, co-opted and inverted, and will be minimized, and there will be no end to it. In this universe there can be no heaven with this knowledge. Having an eternity of this awareness would inherently be hell.
But for the rest of us…Our legacy will be one of hate speech and incompetence. Ignorant, gormless, wildly racist buffoons, the bumbling and fumbling black sheep of history who just couldn’t get it right even though the answer was staring us right in the face.
“They pooped from their butts? What a bunch of s-slur p-words.”
Our legacy will be one of pity. We will be looked upon like stinking and horrifying pigs, lacking in any kind of nanotechnology or augmented reality. Our reality will be seen as real, not unlike the animals we chose to slaughter. This, by the way, the butchering of living animals for meat, will be referred to as a holocaust.
Filthy racists that worshipped insane superstitions like going to college and concussions, generations that lived in their cars driving back and forth to work to serve corporate masters. Our legacy is one of pity and filth and stupidity the likes of which history has never known because we were the first to record all of it–and we shot it into space! Our future will start first contact with aliens with, “I’m sorry.” And the aliens will get it, because they too will be sorry.
Maybe your kids will be great. Maybe they’ll be fucks. In four generations, they’ll share the same amount of DNA with you as your current cousins do. I think that math works out, but what do I know, I’m just a stupid, filthy, racist idiot who showers twice a day and thinks the world is ending one bailout at a time.
Happy Halving Day! If you want a legacy, leave the kids some Bitcoin.
Oh, yeah! There’s a third meaning to the title. It’s old Dick Show issues I thought were dead and buried starting to the bubble to the surface, but I think I’ll talk about that on a bonus episode, either this one or the next. Believe me, it’s a hell of a story, and I’ve been waiting to tell it for over a year. See you next Tuesday!