EP218: Having Fierce Conversations at the Right Time

On this episode of The Wednesday Call podcast, Andy Albright comes to you live from his house in Treasure Island, Fla. to talk about why having fierce conversations at the right time with people is a key ingredient in being successful.

This is a way for you to set expectations with people early and often.

The Conversation is the Relationship:

We effect change by engaging in robust conversations with ourselves and others. Fierce conversations are about:

Moral Courage - the ability to stick to what is right (your principles) despite the risk of adverse consequences. Clear Requests - are specific about what is required, for whom, and by when. Perhaps most critical, it is about establishing a culture in which requests are interpreted as expectations and not demands. Taking Action - to get others to do something or act in order to get a particular result.

Fierce is an attitude. A way of conducting business. A way of leading. A way of life.

The Seven Principles of Fierce Conversations (by Dr. Susan Scott)

Principle 1 : Master the courage to interrogate reality.

Principle 2: Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real.

Principle 3: Be here, prepared to be nowhere else.

Principle 4: Tackle your toughest challenge today.

Principle 5: Obey your instincts.

Principle 6: Take responsibility for your emotional wake.

Principle 7: Let silence do the heavy lifting.

Principle 1

Master the Courage to Interrogate Reality:

The person who can muster the moral courage to accurately describe reality without laying blame will emerge the leader. Your job is to have high moral fiber, accurately describe the problem and don’t blame anybody.

Moral - Concerned with the principles of right and wrong and manifesting those principles into proper conduct or what we call, "walking with maturity." Accurately - What each of us believes to be true simply reflects our views about reality which effects our ability to see reality. Laying Blame - Happens when versions of the truth are in competition. But multiple realties are not competing. They just exist. You own a piece of the truth, and so do I.

Principle 2

Come Out From Behind Yourself into the Conversation and Make It Real:

Being real is not the risk. The real risk is that: I will be known; I will be seen; I will be changed.

Known - when you are true to your personality (acting who you are through your behavior) Authenticity Seen - when you are true to your spirit (liking who you are through your attitude) Enthusiasm Changed - when you are true to your character (knowing who you are through your awareness) Perspective

Principle 3

Be Here, Prepared to be Nowhere Else:

We may succeed in listening to every word, yet miss the message altogether, if we choose to ignore the moment by not hearing. Message - one of the best ways to show respect for the message of another is not to only listen to the words out of the mouth (tolerance), but most importantly hear another's point of view (empathy). Moment - one of the best ways to live in the moment is to recognize the opportunity in your next breath. Most of us don't undertake our thoughts in awareness. Rather, our thoughts control us. So remember: you are not your thoughts. This awareness is called mindfulness or the act of being intentional with your attention in the present.

Principle 4

Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today:

Burnout happens, not because we're trying to solve new problems, but because we've been trying to solve the same problem over and over again. All confrontation of tough challenges is really a search for the truth that exists inside each of us.

Burnout - Do you think a person can change their destiny? A person does what they can until their destiny is revealed to them. You must have the persistence or willingness to stay the course with a dream bigger than the mundane. Confrontation - If you know something must change, then know that is you who must change it. Most tough conversations are with oneself, and sometimes they involve other people.

Principle 5

Obey Your Instincts:

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; but this essential is usually invisible to the eye (one's moral compass or lack of it). Therefore, there are things our gut knows about another's heart long before our intellect catches on.

Heart - how people treat you is their own deal but how you react to them is your deal. When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself -- a piece of your heart is revealed. What is truly naked to the eye is a human-beings need to be understood. Gut - Most of us allow ourselves to be influenced or persuaded that the voice within us is mistaken, flawed, at best a distraction. Our radar works perfectly. It is the operator who is not at the wheel.

Principle 6

Take Responsibility for Your Emotional Wake:

An emotional wake is what others remember about you after you have left. What you leave behind is crucial.
Our context (our storyline or purpose) determines how we experience the content (our material or body of work) of our lives.

Context - the reasons we move forward and the circumstances that shape those reasons. Content - the effort that is contained within the work and the responsibility we take for that work.

Principle 7

Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting:

When there is simply a whole lot of talking going on, conversations can be so empty of meaning. An American Characteristic is general discomfort with silence. It makes us nervous. We feel we're expected to interject witty comments and

wise observations on the spot. Fierce conversations, however, require silence.

Can you hear the sound of your own breathing during a conversation? Can you hear the insights and emotions of another's voice during a conversation?

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