On this episode of The Wednesday Call podcast, Andy Albright comes to you live from his home in Treasure Island, Fla. to talk about why people should tell it like it is with people.
When you tell it like it is ...
Your intention is the biggest difference. Being direct with news no one wants to hear but needs to hear, is accepted by most if they know you genuinely care about them.
"If you want to tell someone like it is, it's not complicated. Just tell the people you love that you love them and tell them the truth whenever possible." -- Jeff Bright
Moral: The promotion of a person's welfare sometimes requires tough love. But tough love requires credibility.
3 Steps to Telling it Like it is:
It's called feedback and there are specific criteria which must be followed if you want the "telling" to be accepted (message heard) and actionable (expectations set).
Here is the Criteria:
1. Make it Clear
2. Make it Clean
3. Make it Calm
How do we make it clear?
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." -- George Bernard Shaw
Moral: The biggest cause of miscommunication is misconception (a mistaken belief due to a preconceived notion) and misperception (an incorrect awareness due to a lacking of facts).
Straightforwardness is a trait I've always admired in others. Being direct is the prerequisite for achieving clarity in any conversation. Direct "tellers" take less time and use fewer words to get the point.
So keep your words short and sweet. Avoid trying to over explain your reason for saying NO or appearing overly apologetic for giving constructive feedback.
But being Clear does not need to sound blunt. For example, not saying: "You got it yet?"
1. Make it Clear Continued: We need to be clear with our conversations in order to avoid vagueness. To accomplish this objective, you must learn to convey: clarity, conciseness and precision, all at the same time.
Clarity (make sense, do not be fuzzy). Making sense helps frame the dream or goal. Example: Produce "said" premium a month.
Conciseness (Be brief, do not take too long). Being brief helps remember the call to action. Example: Do the Do or Do your job.
Precision (Be exact, do not approximate). Being exact helps honor the expectation. Example: Book "said" appointments a week.
How Do We Make it Clean?
"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad." -- Aldous Huxley
Moral: Shaking off a little mad but knowing the truth, is much better than shaking off a lot of happy after you have found out that you have been lied to.
2. Make it Clean: When I reflect on the best relationships I have or had, personal and professional, the ones I value most are the real ones, the candid ones. Because, if you have feedback, I want to hear it.
But, rarely do we get that feedback -- because we are afraid to give it. We fear sounding crass and disrespectful. And we were taught that if we didn't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
But Candor does not need to sound criticizing. For example, not saying: "You big dummy, you!"
Make it Clean Continued: When you are the person who tells it like it is, the right way, people will respect you for your honesty. Here are some tips to becoming clean with your delivery:
Decide ahead of time what outcome you are aiming for with the conversation.
Be upfront with your objectives. This transparency will defuse much of the emotion and defensiveness.
Choose a neutral phrasing about the situation by saying, "I've observed this...," rather than an emotional, exaggerated and personal reaction like, "You always do this..." Limit the number of times you say "you" and replace it with "I."
3. Make it Calm Quote: "You can't calm the storm... so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass." -- Timber Hawkeye
Moral: "Don't sweat it and don't stir it." -- Andy Albright
3. Make it Calm:
Remaining calm during a difficult conversation is only achieved by not being baited into a reaction which derails a focused outcome.
This requires the "teller" to refrain from reacting to the following assumptions (but instead, implementing the positive opposite):
Absolutism vs. Perspective (introduce empathy to
kill the need to be right about everything).
Excuse vs. Contribution (introduce accountability to kill the need to find a reason why not).
Blame vs. Obligation (introduce promise to kill the need to decommit to an expectation).
3. Make it Calm Continued:
Listen to another's perspective, for example, on why they have not taken action.
Introduce the following calming techniques:
Acknowledge the feelings (to recognize emotion) Example: Tell me about your past experiences and intentions.
Ask questions (to understand viewpoint) Example: How do you see the current situation?
Paraphrase the responses (to establish accuracy) Example: So you are saying... (repeating back their own words)?
When you can tie these concepts together, you will be able to tell it like it is.
@AndySAlbright
@NationalAgentsAlliance
@NAALeadsTheWay
#TheAlliance #DoTheDo
#N247RU
