Marni welcomes Susan into the Dating Den. Susan is a client who was new to dating after the loss of her husband. She knew she wanted a relationship but found herself attracting guys who only threw her breadcrumbs. During this conversation, she shares her transformation, insights about what was missing in her previous approach to dating, and how the process has changed all parts of her life.
With Susan: How to Break the Pattern of Attracting Guys That Breadcrumb You
Key takeaways from this episode:
Creating your non-negotiables How to identify your limiting beliefs Why working with a coach generates a transformation independent research can’t Why you may not want to write a guy off too quicklyAttracting the ‘Crumbs’ Guys [2:19]
Susan had lost her husband to cancer about a year before she started dating again. She realized she was attracting 'crumbs' guys and she wanted to attract men that were more her caliber. She was choosing the wrong guys who were caught up inside themselves and still dealing with their emotional baggage.
She felt confused and the pattern was chipping away at her self-worth and her self-esteem. Maybe, she wasn't the catch she thought she was? But, she knew she wanted to be in a relationship.
The ‘crumbs’ guy was seeing someone else at the time. She felt like the other woman or his second choice. He did however help Susan to recognize a pattern she had before she met her husband.
The problem was she was trying to think her way out of the situation. She did online research and read books but nothing was shifting.
She Realized She Needed a Coach [9:27]
Susan knew that she wouldn’t break free of her pattern on her own. She was ruling guys out before she would rule them in. She realized she was ruling guys out because it gave her a sense of control and protected her from getting hurt. She was also unclear about what she really wanted.
She says that working with Marni’s team helped because they provided her with a process. She wrote down her non-negotiables and got clear about what she was looking for. It was time for her to have a mature adult relationship.
It's scary to be rejected by a guy who you perceive to be a catch opposed to a guy you don't think is a catch.
Seeking Mutual Understanding to Create Connection and Intimacy [27:18]
Susan started dating a friend of a friend who she was ready to write off early on. One of her non-negotiations is communications and he doesn't communicate as frequently as she does but she admits to not being clear about her values around communication. Working with the Dating with Dignity team helped her to redefine what she needs versus what she wants.
Marni says many men are trainable when it comes to communication. They want to make us happy and will adapt because they are committed to the relationship.
For a lot of men communicating is challenging. They have been hurt and pasts’ to reconcile.
Susan says she would never have chosen her current boyfriend prior to taking Marni's course. She recommends being open to the process and allowing it to unfold organically. The process helped her investigate her wounds and what triggered her. She now uses the processes in all areas of her life and everything is coming together for her.
You can have anything you want as long as you are mentally aligned and committed.
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