Marriage is far more than a living arrangement. It is a living relationship which meets a core need we each have for connection. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer exposes this core need and coaches us on how to achieve it.
Connection in marriage models the connection God desires with us - one in which life flows between us. Christ is the vine and we are the branches. Every spouse desires connection. Connection answers “yes” to the questions, “Do I matter to you? Are you there for me?” Withdrawal is a poor but common response to loss of connection. It in fact drives further disconnection. Withdrawal is when a person pulls away from their spouse in silence and inattention. Aggression is a poor but common response to loss of connection. It, in fact, drives further disconnection. Aggression is when a person pursues their spouse with angst and negative accusation. Underneath our withdrawal and aggression is hurt. Hurt is the pain that comes from lack of connection. At the surface disagreement between the spouses is apparent, yet spouses actually agree on this one need – connection. Self-reflection is key to navigating disconnection. Learning why we respond in certain ways and assuring our spouse that though our reactions are imperfect, connection is desired. Sitting with difficult emotions is key to navigating disconnection. Learning how to face unpleasant emotions and make sense of them with our spouses is necessary.Connection is made by being available, responsive and engaged with your spouse.
