We can control 100% of our attitude. Yes, but often we don’t. There are few things we can be 100% in control of and our attitude would have to rank at the top of things we really need to control. So you would think we would all be absolutely brilliant in this area. We aren’t and so why do we have resultant problems?
Part of the issue can be allowing past failures to sap our mental fortitude. We mentally re-run the movie in our minds of failures, lost arguments, things we regret or events we actually don’t want to remember, but we do anyway. No amount of self-discipline seems to work in shielding us from the past. We seem drawn to flashbacks and re-living the painful past episodes where we fell short or failed.
We are really creative too. We don’t just allow the past to wipe out our positive attitude, we inject future potential troubles in there as well. We project forward and start imagining all sorts of failures and issues we will suffer, before they ever even happen or arrive. French philosopher Michel de Montaigne is often quoted in this regard, “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened”. Painfully, he made that observation six hundred years ago, so we haven’t improved much have we.
The combination of past dismal realities and future bleak possibilities can be a powerful mix to drag us into a downward spiral, where the world seems sombre, dark and we are hopeless. No matter how many self-affirmations we do or how positive we try to make ourselves, these prior and future fears can weigh us down.
What can we do about it? Try to “live in day tight compartments”. This means we focus 100% of our energy and attention on what is facing us today and don’t allow the past and possible undetermined futures, to impinge on our attitude.
Here is the crucial mental shift we have to make – don’t try to block out what happened in the past – we can’t. Instead though, we can recall it, but not dwell on it or worry about it. There is the crucial difference – acknowledge it happened, but don’t worry about the past - we can’t go back and change it. Yes, it was painful or annoying or humiliating, but it is gone now and we should leave it there. Keep the focus totally on today, on what we can control and concentrate our energy and efforts there.
The same applies to the future. Of course, we should consider what will happen in the future – hopefully we will be spending quite a bit of time there. Again, there is considering the future and preparing for it, but not worrying about it. This difference is huge. Plan for it, but don’t allow it to cause worry. Again, flick the switch and look at what is right in front of you right now and work on that. Yes, random thoughts and fears about the future will wander into our consciousness, so write them down and capture the issues. Then be proactive, call them out and work on ameliorating them, but don’t worry yourself about them.
When we think about controlling today, what we read and who speak with, will have a distinct impact on our attitude. Again, be proactive, find positive information in newspapers, magazines, books, articles, social media posts etc., and read that as your priority. Be aware of current events, but skip the grubby details on everything ugly and negative. That actually means skipping most of the news on television, because you can’t control what is coming up next. At least with written text, on-line or off-line, you can control your intake. Let’s be very, very picky about what we feed into our minds.
People are the other biggie. Really reduce the contact and influence of negative people as much as is physically possible. Avoid whiners, complainers and negative mindset types with every fibre in your body. You may be forced into close proximity with negative people due to where you work, but keep that exposure to a minimum. See them as kryptonite and avoid all unnecessary contact. Rather, seek out people who are positive, upbeat and spend time with them. There are fewer of this variety, but they are around and so soak up and contribute to their positive vibe. Look for organisations where the positive congregate and join those groups.
The past, the future and the negative can erode our positive attitude, so as a priority let’s organise our life to deal with these issues. When we do that, life gets easier, better and happier. “It is all in the mind” is old wisdom, but still true!
Actions Steps
Accept past memories but don’t worry about them Accept certain things might happen in the future, prepare for them, but don’t worry about them Avoid all forms of negativity Search out positive environments and people and spend time there