Our teenage kids are under construction and construction zones are messy. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Jeff Waibel give us a few tips for understanding these formative years. Knowing a few things can go a long way in helping us get through the construction.
Remember you were a teen once. Attempt to put yourself in their shoes. Remember to hear the message behind their behavior. What are they saying to you? Often young people don’t have the words, skills or maturity to say what they feel. Nevertheless, their actions are trying to tell you something. Some messages might be: “I need your attention.” “Do you love me?” “I am embarrassed.” “I feel guilty.” Remember, whatever decision or behavior teenagers choose, it made logical sense to them. Ask them to help you understand their thinking. Follow up by asking them if they want to know how their behavior made you feel. Remember their brain is still being developed. Their personality, sense of humor and ability to measure risk are all in the process of being formed. Remember they are working out who they are – their identity. They are gaining ownership of their own values and beliefs. Remember there are battles not worth fighting. Choose those battles that are central to your family’s values. Make big deals out of big deals and make small deals out of small deals. Remember “the lecture” has never been effective. Remember to share your views, faith and passion through conversations your teens will want to join. In this way we walk side-by-side and are not always nose-to-nose.