This episode is about regulating the nervous system and dealing with past pains. Today’s caller, Lara, is looking for guidance on how to cultivate a sense of safety and security. We work through a body practice to regulate her nervous system and bring her into calm.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode297]
Feeling safety and security isn’t a mental thing. They have to be felt in the body. When we feel safe and secure, the nervous system relaxes, the body gets out of our survival brain and it comes into a rest-and-digest stage where the nervous system can regulate.
With a dysregulated nervous system you cannot shift it by talking, analyzing, or awareness. It becomes frustrating because you can see your anxiety and you understand why it is there and explain your reasons for having anxiety. But, just being able to explain something doesn’t change it. The healing or the fixing of it becomes another obsession. What it comes down to is the creation of safety and security. We are always trying to get back to feeling safe and secure.
The human body and the nervous system are very resilient, as is the human spirit, but we cannot shift and change when we think we are broken. We need to have compassion for ourselves and one of our most valuable inner resources is our ability to ask for help.
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Consider/Ask Yourself
Do you constantly feel anxious or deal with obsessive thoughts? Have you outsourced your worth or your sense of safety? Are you looking for it in your achievements, a relationship, or even your appearance? Do you crave to be in a relationship, then when you get in them, they’re not healthy? Do you have trouble regulating your nervous system and bringing yourself into a calm?
Lara’s Question:
Lara would like to know how she can cultivate a sense of trust and safety and guidance on how to stop filling her void with external things or men.
Lara’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She does not feel worthy or good enough. She struggles with binge eating. She tries to outsource her worth through her appearance, men, or achievements. She has had manic episodes. She craves being in relationships and wants to be saved. She over-analyzes everything she does. She feels stuck. She has a sharp mind and a lot of self-awareness. She grew up with inconsistency and chaos in her childhood. Her mother was not there for her as a child.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Recognize when her nervous system is dysregulated and greet it with compassion. Put her hands on her belly and chest and then breathe deep and make a “VUUU” sound. Hold a stuffed animal and rock back and forth to soothe herself. Give herself the parenting and the developmental stages she didn’t get. Go to the people and sources that give her motherly love.
Takeaways:
Consider the indicators when you go into survival mode then recognize and accept them. Have compassion for yourself. Move into a source of regulation such as breathing, holding a stuffed animal, rocking, etc. Stop trying to shift a dysregulated nervous system with your mind. Remember, nothing is broken or wrong about you.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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