This episode is about discerning between the patterns we can change and which are a part of us. Today’s caller, Bree, has patterns coming up when it comes to dating and finding a partner. We discuss how she can bring forth different, more feminine, parts of herself in place of her patterns. When it comes to dating, we get far more accurate information from our bodies, heart, and intuition than we do from evaluation.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode309]
At the beginning of dating, there is so much uncertainty. We don’t really know the person and we don’t know where the relationship will go. There is a lot of excitement, but there is also a lot of uncertainty. Uncertainty can be triggering for some, especially if they had instability in their childhood. Part of how the mind and psyche try to get certainty or control is through evaluation, analysis, and by trying to see into the future.
We all have an operating system. A lot of it gets programmed by our childhood, our life, our beliefs, and everything that happens in our environment and society. Then, there is just how we’re wired, our personality, our soul journey, etc. It is more important to learn to live with our wiring and find the gift within it than it is to change it.
Some things about ourselves are appropriate to change and heal but there are some things that it is best to just accept. Learning to inspire a different part of ourselves in certain situations may be the key to getting what we need.
Join me August 18, 2021, at 5 p.m. Pacific for another group coaching call. This call will focus on all things inner child. The cost is only $20 and if you cannot make it live, it will be recorded. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group to sign up.
Have you listened to my Coaches Corner episodes recently? Check out Dr. Richard Schwatrz doing parts work with me here — Internal Family Systems.
Consider/Ask Yourself
Do you notice that sometimes when you’re in an unfamiliar situation you do things like ask a question to go to places in your head to try to get some kind of control? Did you grow up feeling safe in a stable household? If you are female and you orientate to being a heterosexual female when it comes to dating do you feel like you can really slip into your feminine energy? Or, if you’re in a job that requires you to be in your masculine energy is it difficult for you to make the transition? Are you trying to change things about yourself that are part of your wiring?
Bree’s Question:
Bree feels she is ready for a long-term relationship and would like the tools to assist her in minimizing her projections when dating.
Bree’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is ready to find a long-term partner. She is looking for someone who appreciates a rural lifestyle. She had a volatile and unstable childhood. Her parents were emotionally unavailable. Her little girl is looking for the stability she never had. She sees the pattern of her previous relationships. She felt judged and would like the freedom to be herself. She uses evaluation as a skill in her job. She is a professional photographer and previously a dance instructor.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Get out of her head and into her heart. Help her little girl feel safe. Limit her evaluations and increase her curiosity and magnetism in dating. Create a physical anchor and write a letter to celebrate her evaluator self. Be aware her masculine part is hyper-developed. Discover things that drop her into her feminine energy. Move her body in a feminine way daily.
Takeaways:
Look at the patterns in your life without making them wrong or bad and determine how much of them are how you are wired. Learn what parts of yourself that need to step back and which need to come forward.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
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