Have you heard of XiaoIce? According to the media it is a “cutting edge artificial intelligence system designed to create emotional bonds with its six hundred and sixty million users worldwide”. It already accounts for sixty percent of all global human-AI interactions, making it the largest. Here is the terrifying punchline, “It was designed to hook users through life-like, empathetic conversations, satisfying emotional needs where real-life communications too often fall short”. It is claimed that the AI is better than humans at listening attentively. What?
Are our modern communication skills so atrophied, that we have to switch to a chatbot? Is this a function of growth, off the back of the pandemic? We are working from home, so many people feel isolated and as if there is no solid foundation in their human relations anymore. This is ironic really, because today we are in the most “wired” ecosystem in history. We have online calls, hand held mobile phones and multiple text chat options. How could we be suffering from a lack of connectivity?
The problem then is not the hardware. Generationally, we can observe that the current younger generation prefers to text than speak. Texting is less complex than trying to phrase what you want to say on the fly. Text is also less complex when trying to parse what the other party is actually saying. We don’t have to interpret the voice tone or the cadence of the message. Text is flat in tone and very fortunately editable before we send it.
The point about listening though is a good one – we have become very poor listeners. The wonderful technology we have access to today is a double edged sword, because we are now chained to our devices and the days are twenty four hours long, with no respite. We have our phones by the bedside, so we can connect to the internet immediately and we do.
What can we do to improve our communication skills? Here are a few timeless Principles of successful communications.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
This sounds pretty easy, but we don’t do it. We are so focused on ourselves, we stop listening to what the other person is saying. We are churning the words around in our own mind, prepping for what we will say in the conversation, such that the concentration is on ourselves and not on the person speaking.
We don’t encourage the other person to speak either, because we want to do all the talking. We think what we have to say is the higher priority and they are there just to hear us out. We need to suspend our desire to do all the talking and instead just relax and let the other person do most of the talking. People are so starved of being listened to, they will be so grateful that we allowed them to talk and they will regard us very highly.
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Sadly we are very selfish and are primarily interested in ourselves and what is going on in our lives. It is all “me, me, me”. The young people falling in love with the XiaoIce virtual chatbox are fooling themselves into believing that their emotions can be reciprocated by a machine. They are seeking attention, someone to listen to them, someone to be empathetic with their situation. It is counterintuitive, but the best way to build relationships is to become “genuinely” interested in other people. The key word there is “genuinely”. If we do this, we will become part of their world and our world will improve as well.
Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
The key word here is “sincerely”, otherwise it is just manipulation. Our sense of self-worth is closely linked to how important others make us feel. People with low self-esteem and low self-worth are now talking to chatbots, in a desperate attempt to feel better about themselves.
All they need is for us to communicate they are important to us. Often we don’t do this because we presume “they already know that”. Actually they probably need to hear it a lot more than we imagine. So look for areas where we can recognise their contribution or their worth and most importantly communicate we appreciate them.
Chatbots are not a substitute for real human relations. If our society degrades to the point where chatbots are the main source of human relationships then the end of civilisation is nye. We cannot allow that to happen. So let's start using these simple Principles and build real relationships with each other, before it is too late.
