How does codependency sabotage our ability to practice self-care? What are some common ways that codependents FAIL to practice self-care? Where, oh where, can we start with self-care?
In this week’s episode, Marissa sits down with Lauren Camacho, LCSW, about the ever-elusive and mysterious practice of SELF-CARE. Lauren specializes in self-care, especially with new mother’s, and shares with us about her own codependency that came up after giving birth to her daughter. Marissa asks Lauren to share with us the ways she has seen codependency get in the way of our ability to care for ourselves and how we can put a stop to it. We end with simple, easy, and specific pointers on how to start practicing self-care ASAP. It’s a must-listen!
About this week’s guest: Lauren Camacho specializes with Emotional Regulation, Self Care, and Leadership skills. She has spent nearly decade in the field working with people who experience anxiety, burnout, and disconnection and helps them live more wholeheartedly by becoming more confident, purposefully driven, while feeling good.
She is a Psychotherapist and Certified coach who offers 1:1 sessions.
Lauren’s info:
https://www.momsleadingtheway.com
Free discovery call: https://www.momsleadingtheway.com/schedule-a-free-consultation
Instagram: @_Lauren_Camacho
DOWNLOAD LAUREN’S FREE SELF CARE E-BOOK! Click here for a copy: https://keap.app/contact-us/657495847113647. Her e-book is a self care guide that goes beyond bubble baths and into effective self care practices to help you rewire the relationship that you have with yourself. It covers tools on how to take care of yourself emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually.
More details on this week’s episode:
“How do you define codependency?”Lauren: “Codependency is taking or giving responsibility to someone or something else in order to meet our needs, whether that’s emotionally, psychologically. The key word is responsibility.” Lauren adds how, despite having moments that we need support, if we give responsibility to others, we lose a sense of ourselves in the process.
Lauren talks about self-responsibility. If we are responsible for ourselves, then others are responsible for themselves. THEN, we have a responsibility to let others know what we need and so do they. “I’m not taking on anything that’s mine or anything that’s theirs.”
“What are some ways you've experienced that in your own life?”Lauren: “Let’s look at the definition of self-care. Self-care is your ability to take care of yourself. It’s really about understanding your needs mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. It’s a deep inquiry of self.” Codependency is all about external so it is the opposite of self-care. The longer we practice codependency, we get further and further away from ourselves. Lauren discusses people-pleasing, care-giving, and other ways that codependency sabotages our ability to care for ourselves. If we don’t look at this, then we will have an identity crisis.
What are some "hallmarks" of non-self-caring behaviors related to codependency?Lauren: “Anxiety, depression, resentment is the big one. Irritability, burnout, exhaustion, fatigue.” Lauren describes how we can have behaviors, habits, moods, and so on that indicate ways that we cope with our codependency in non-self-caring ways. “When we start to detach from ourselves, we start to detach from everything.” Self-care can help us avoid the fight or flight mode to come back to ourselves.
Lauren adds more on resentment and how it relates to expectations. If others are not meeting our expectations, our resentment starts to build. BUT we often fail to verbalize our needs--which is a non-self-caring act. If we never say anything, then we are not taking care of ourselves.
You work a lot with new moms--what often happens when they are codependent before, during, and after pregnancy?Lauren: “In times of transition and change, it could expose what has already been present to us and magnify it. When going into pregnancy, it can bring up stress then when we have stress happening, we can go into a place of fight or flight again.” The coping skills and ways we coped before, like codependency, used to work for us previously but it eventually stops. With new moms, they are already depleted due to putting out so much energy, so being a people-pleaser will only add to their exhaustion.
Lauren reveals how she learned to be a “leader and not a people-pleaser” with her daughter.
And if we don’t address the codependency as young mothers? “Take a table with four legs. If the legs are your “needs,” and one of the legs is floppy, it’s going to throw off the whole table.” That’s what it is like when we are living in this ineffective way.
Where do you start when it comes to practicing self-care?Lauren: “Sometimes, the concept of self-care can be daunting. Think of it like an infinite game--not that it’s never-ending--but taking it one step at a time.”
Start with journaling! Lauren describes the benefits of journaling and asking yourself questions for self-inquiry. We develop that reflection piece and are better able to understand what’s working, what’s not working, and ask ourselves deeper questions. “What am I tolerating? What are my dreams? Where am I lying in my life?” And remember, consistency is the golden part.
Add rituals that bring delight!
As always, thank you for listening!
DOWNLOAD LAUREN’S FREE SELF CARE E-BOOK! Click here for a copy: https://keap.app/contact-us/657495847113647. Her e-book is a self care guide that goes beyond bubble baths and into effective self care practices to help you rewire the relationship that you have with yourself. It covers tools on how to take care of yourself emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually.
www.codependummy.com
https://linktr.ee/codependummy
