— Grief and sadness from the loss of the family unit certainly, but perhaps more underneath that. Perhaps there is unprocessed grief and sadness from before you even met your ex-partner. Projection and blaming may be an unconscious attempt to avoid feeling pain and grief that is waiting, in our bodies, to be processed. A fight is something we can “do” whereas just “being” with the crushing grief of a lost future with the child you love and the partner you loved (and probably still do) is probably something you’d prefer to avoid. But the pain and the grief can’t be as bad as the running away, and all the disruption and damage that entails. There is no escaping the pain and grief, only a choice to begin processing it or deferring it, and thereby accruing interest on it. Parents and children must grieve for their lost worlds before they can heal. The greatest thing a parent can do for their child at this time is demonstrate how to accept and process grief and sadness. A healthy relationship with sadness is an important life skill that mature and responsible adults can teach their children. Sadness, after all, is coming into all our lives sooner or later.
Valeria Teles interviews Zac Fine — a Psychotherapist And Speaker.
Zac Fine is a specialist in men's issues. He supports fathers through the trauma of losing contact with their children against their wishes, and came to this work through his own experience of estranged fatherhood which included mental and financial breakdown, and a stressful court case in which he represented himself. This darkness and grief cracked open something in Zac that called him to service. He found his path as an underworld guide, supporting fathers living in a toxic trap of fear, anger, rage and grief in what can feel like a silent void when these emotions are not understood or accepted in the family court system or wider culture. Zac created the Ceasefire Method to integrate concepts from neuroscience, family systems and war to support men as they try to settle their nervous systems, understand and manage their trauma responses, explore the relational dynamics at play with their ex-partners, think strategically and be the best fathers they can be for their children. Zac is an advocate of the nascent field of male psychology, which acknowledges valuable and complementary differences between masculine and feminine archetypes — or deep biological programs — that have been ignored or rejected by much of the therapy professions. His vision is to promote healing and understanding between the sexes for the benefit of future generations, because children who are damaged by family conflict often grow up to act out their traumas in the world. There is nothing as dangerous as a powerless young man, and to this end Zac is training to become a mentor for young men caught up in the criminal justice system.
To learn more about Zac Fine and his work, please visit: zacfine.co.uk
— This podcast is a quest for well-being, a quest for a meaningful life through the exploration of fundamental truths, enlightening ideas, insights on physical, mental, and spiritual health. The inspiration is Love. The aspiration is to awaken new ways of thinking that can lead us to a new way of being, being well.
