Marni and Chris connect to extract real-life dating lessons from the season finale of Bachelor in Paradise. Unexpected break ups, playing the victim after heartbreak, and saying I love you first add to the intrigue and appeal as we say goodbye to yet another season.
Key takeaways from this episode:
How to tell what a guy is really thinking How to break up well Staying out of victim after a breakup When to say I love you Can someone truly change?Is He Ready for a Relationship? [2:07]
At the beginning of the season, Marni and Chris agreed that James seemed like a good dude. When he started dating Anna everyone including her, thought it was a good solid connection. But as soon as Anna declared she wanted to follow through with a relationship, James snappishly said he wasn’t in the right headspace for a relationship right now and took off with Aaron.
Marni says James is emotionally unavailable and he may never be satisfied. When producers asked, he couldn't pinpoint what was missing in the relationship with Anna. Likely, no one will ever be the right one.
Even if you are looking for a long-term relationship, if you don't do the work you will get the same results.
Aaron, who quickly rode off into the sunset with James, was dating Tia. His breakup with Tia was not the decent goodby that James gave Anna. Marni says it mirrored how 5th graders breakup, instantly and carelessly. Aaron feigned interest in Anna when answering to the producers but never fully committed because he is emotionally unavailable.
Is a guy really ready for a relationship?
Do his actions match his words? Does he hang out with grown-up children? Does he have long-term relationship goals?If you are of a certain age and claim you want to be in a relationship — invest in it and be committed to it.
Natasha was a great example of what it looks like to date maturely.
How to Breakup Well [15:36]
The shocking breakup of the show was Abigail and Noah. Abigail told everyone she was in love with Noah but never mustered up the courage to tell him. She created something in her head instead of focusing on the facts. She seemed more interested in playing the victim to prove herself right rather than starting a relationship.
By telling the woe-is-me story you stay in a woe-is-me situation.
How to stay composed during a heartbreak?
Be aware of how you are feeling Clearly articulate your feelings Be emotionally intelligent enough to manage your emotionsDuring a break up emotional meltdowns can happen. The important part is how you repair the situation afterward.
It is easy to fall into unhealthy defaults if you don't stay mindful. The universe will keep showing you what you need to learn. Feedback and support from a relationship expert can help.
Who Should Say I Love You First [33:40]
Marni is open-minded about who should say I love you first. As long as it comes from a place of wholeness, not from a place of fear. The guy doesn't need to say it first. Let go of the rules.
Serena decides to tell Joe she loves him. He admits he was going to tell her later in the date. Joe is an authentic guy who dates maturely.
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