-How does “Love Me” by The Cardigans showcase codependent patterns in unhealthy romantic relationships?
-To what extent did I go to in order to have an ex-boyfriend from my early 20s “love me, love me, say that you love me”?
-What can we do to stop relating to these codependent songs and start finding meaning in songs that encourage interdependence?
In this week’s episode, we are back with DJ CODEPENDUMMY where we analyze a song that’s lyrics are chock-full with codependent sentiments. Marissa breaks down the lyrics to the 1996 hit “Love Me” by The Cardigans. She applies the lyrics to one of the most codependent relationships in her life: an up-and-down romance with an ex-boyfriend from her early 20s. You’ll hear Marissa open up about some of the saddest and most pathetic codependent moments in her life. Despite all the pain and suffering in the relationship, Marissa stayed and lived out lyrics like “I can’t care about anything but you.” It’s a must-listen!
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More deets on this week’s episode:
D D D D DJ CODEPENDUMMY.
Let’s look at my behavior through a lens from Alfred Adler’s writings about anxious patients, especially in dependent relationships: their fears fears for the fate of other persons. They act as if without their aid the others would be incapable of caring for themselves. They always give advice, want to do everything themselves, find new dangers, and never rest until the other person, confused and discouraged, confides himself to their care. Let’s look at the relationship through this perspective.
Ex-boyfriend’s pseudonym is Kid Cudi for your reference.
Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
You love me no longer, I know and
Maybe there is nothing that I can do
To make you do
I share about how my ex-boyfriend not loving me was a problem. The most codependent part of it was my obsession to answer that question: Maybe there is nothing that I can do, to make you do [love me]? It was a question, as if I could figure out a way to make him love me. Codependents do this: we think we can do things to be loved, liked, appreciated.
So I cry and I pray and I beg
Love me love me
Say that you love me
I recall how I schemed, despite being dumped, to reunite with my ex-boyfriend. All I wanted and needed was for him to say that he loved me. And my plot worked! We got back together--like a hundred times! The most codependent part of this lyric is seen in how we codependents need others to love us for us to feel loved. We rely on others to feel loved without knowing how to provide that love to ourselves.
Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me
Pretend that you love me...just say that you need me.
I reveal how I found out my ex-boyfriend had plans to hook up with another girl while we were together. But I never revealed to him that I found out after I snooped around. I open up about how I stayed despite all the red flags and basically begged him to “fool me.”
Questions for you:
How do you relate to the lyrics?
What have the lyrics of this song looked like in your life?
How can you apply these lyrics to your life today?
Ideally - how can you love, need, not fool, care about yourself?
Thank you for listening!
www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing Marissa’s info:
@therapywithmarissa on IG
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