Any couple problems can be addressed through personal growth, since most relationship issues come from interlocking complexes. This episode talks about ways to co-create soulful love.
In previous generations, societal structures such as marriage had a different purpose. Being happy in a romantic relationship was not necessarily a priority. In our society today, people want meaningful relationships in life, both romantic and platonic. People are looking for a deeper, more intimate relationship.
Dr. Chelsea Wakefield, PhD, LCSW is our guest for EP63’s Wise Walk and guides people to having more enriched relationships. As a relationship expert, Chelsea is a psychotherapist, couples therapist, author, educator, and international workshop and retreat leader. Most of her work is done as an associate professor at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences where she’s director of the couples center. She trains other couples therapists, has her own clinical practice, and puts together workshops about relationships.
On our Wise Walk, Chelsea and I discuss the importance of knowing yourself, and bringing your whole and best self into any relationship. That includes knowing our triggers and shadows as well as getting in tune with who your partner is and not who you wish they could be. Honest awareness encourages individuals to identify what really matters and connect in relationships on a deeper level.
Inspired by Chelsea’s book The Labyrinth Of Love: The Path to a Soulful Relationship, she talks about the 6 Love Capacities, personal growth, and co-regulating to prompt reflection on these Wise Walk questions and more:
Is there such a thing as soul mates? How can people look for suitors to create a soulful relationship? How can people reflect on their triggers? What can people do to find balance in co-regulating?Chelsea suggests that the first step in choosing or being someone ready for a soulful relationship is someone with the willingness to grow.
If you want learn to get a better grasp on your internal dialogue, and recognize the different relationship types, tune in to hear these Wise Walk questions:
How does communication change as the nervous system develops? How are you applying what your nervous system is telling you into your everyday relationships? What types of relationships are you seeking right now, and how do they make you feel?Join this inspiring community to uncover a new sense of freedom, and be sure to follow and review the True Stride podcast as we continue to exchange our light and Heart Value with each other.
In this episode:
[00:23] - Welcome to the show!
[02:39] - Dr. Chelsea Wakefield gives her take on her latest work for enriching relationships. Where should people start to change relationship issues?
[04:55] - What does Chelsea think about the idea of “finding” a soulmate?
[07:29] - Listen as Chelsea gives a brief introduction of the 6 Love Capacities. First is Commitment.
[09:20] - The next of the 6 Love Capacities are Courage and Curiosity.
[11:08] - The next of the 6 Love Capacities is Communication.
[13:54] - The next of the 6 Love Capacities is Compassion.
[16:35] - Chelsea explains the concept of a Bright Shadow within interpersonal relationships.
[18:05] - Compassion is a great anecdote for feeling shame, which wears away relationships.
[19:37] - The next of the 6 Love Capacities is Creativity.
[21: 57] - How can people reflect on their triggers? Why is it important to identify triggers?
[24:00] - What is co-regulating?
[26:21] - Chelsea talks about understanding the separation between intention and impact.
[28:09] - What if only one person in the relationship is trying to grow in effective communication?
[30:59] - When should people leave relationships? Chelsea talks about balancing choices of whether to stay or leave, especially for women.
[33:37] - Chelsea gives her thoughts on what people who are currently single can ask themselves about building soulful relationships.
[36:05] - Chelsea gives her thoughts on what people who are currently in a romantic relationship can ask themselves about building more soulful relationships.
[39:02] - Constantly choose the relationship you want to build and work on your shadow elements.
[41:38] - Go into discovery mode on where you fit in with the 6 Love Capacities.
[43:54] - Thank you for listening!
Memorable Quotes:
“We don’t actually find a soulmate. What we do is we create a soulful relationship.” - Chelsea “Compassion doesn’t mean we aren’t accountable. It just means that we’re being mindful that we’re being human, and we’re allowing ourselves not to have to be perfect.” - Chelsea “You cannot be in relationship with someone for their potential. You have to be in a relationship because of who they are in that moment.” - Mary Tess “If you are noticing that you have these triggers or the shadow elements, how can you take responsibility for them? How can you communicate that in a different way that you are heard, understood, and appreciated for the work you’re trying to do on yourself and how you’re trying to co-create something different in the relationship because you want a different outcome.” - Mary Tess
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