This episode is about loving and accepting all parts of ourselves, even the ones that challenge us. Today’s caller, Odeta, struggles with her attachment to wanting to change a critical part of herself. The judgment and attachment are what is preventing her from being able to shift it. Any part of ourselves we judge or shame or anything we attach ourselves to shifting just holds on stronger.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode335]
Self-love is not a state of being where we are in complete unconditional love with ourselves all the time or we love all parts of ourselves all the time or we never get triggered. Maybe there are some people on the planet who live that way, but they are few and far between. No matter how much work we do, we are still human. We still have parts that maybe we don’t like very much; maybe our inner critic comes up. Self-love is the same to me as self-assurance. It is radical self-acceptance. It is accepting all parts of us, even the ones we want to change.
For all coaches or anyone in the helping field, it is important for us to be honest about where we are. Walking the talk isn’t about being perfect. Walking the talk isn’t about having it all together, that is more about wearing a mask. Walking the talk is about owning that we have areas where we are doing well and the areas where we recognize that we are still human and that we are still learning. To be an effective coach, therapist, or practitioner, you don’t have to arrive at some magic place. It is more about having the training, the experience, the intention, and the skills to hold space for people as they go through things you have been walking through too.
Take the expectation off of yourself that you have to be perfect. Stay human.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you intend and strive for self-love but you can’t seem to get there? Do you have a nasty inner critic or inner judge that gets in your way? Is it hard for you to love and accept certain parts of yourself but are dead set on getting them to change?
Odeta’s Question:
Odeta has done a lot of personal development work but fear and judgment of her ability to self-love are holding her back from being her best self.
Odeta’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She can be paralyzed by anxiety. She is a coach, yoga instructor, and breathwork facilitator. She is an inspiration to her clients but is critical of herself. She feels she is learning the same lessons over and over. She is an overachiever and then burns herself out. She has done a lot of personal development work. She feels like an imposter and wants to show up differently. She feels like her inner critic is an enemy. She was bullied and body shamed as a teenager and didn’t understand why. She grew up in an immigrant family. She tried to be perfect at everything to better belong. Part of her is stuck in her adolescence. She feels resistant to shifting.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Accept that she wants to shift certain parts of herself without being attached to it. Listen to the Coaches Corner interview with Dr. Richard Schwartz about Internal Family Systems. Begin a dialogue with her 12-year-old self and remind her that she is safe. Realize her inner child is trying to protect her and is not her enemy.
Takeaways:
Any aspect of you that you don’t like, that you want to change, has a positive intention. Until you can fulfill that positive intention in another way it is going to hang on. The essence of self-love is loving and accepting all parts of ourselves.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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