Dating coach Robbie Kramer joins Marni to share insights and take a deep dive into the dating lessons from the last episode of The Bachelor. Are the producers keeping Shanae around just to make sure fans are awake? If they left it to the dull-edged sword, Clayton, fans might fall asleep. Is bagging a bore enough incentive to keep these beautiful women in the game?
Key takeaways from this episode:
Vulnerability or sob story? Can rugged good looks trump a dull bore What high emotional intelligence looks like Physical touch below the belt during sad conversations
Was That Really Vulnerable? [1:37]
When Gaby speaks with her mother reflects on the major difference between vulnerability and telling a sob story. Makes one wonder if the conversations were contrived based on a certain formula the producers put together? Real vulnerability is organic.
Dating tip — Don’t get stuck in your head while dating. You can be emotionally prepared without being strategic about it. You don't ‘DO’ vulnerability. You can’t put it on like a jacket.
Vulnerability is a natural state of being.
Vulnerability isn't a sob story or the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Vulnerability is letting the other person know you had a great time on the date. Or, that you really enjoy their company.
Robbie has a soft spot for Gaby because he likes silly jokesters. Marni says the way she presented her vulnerability — blurting out that she has low self-esteem was inappropriate. She could have described examples of the things her low self-esteem has brought about in her life which would have softened the blow for Clayton.
Marni recommends sharing in a way that creates connection instead of leaking. Robbie predicts Clayton will eventually use the information as a get-out-of-jail-free card. Gaby may be regretting saying it. It wasn't a problem before she brought it up but now, it's a thing.
Be authentic Make a good impression Don't tell all your deep dark secrets on the first date
Boring Hot Guy Syndrome [16:04]
Robbie and Marni agree that Clayton is a mix of careful and vanilla. Marni can not imagine that some of these amazing women will be satisfied with someone so plain. Robbie works with good-looking clients who are worse in bed than they think they are. They got laid in HS and college because they were hot but when they start dating women of substance they don't understand why relationships don't pan out.
Some ladies stay with a boring hot guy because they think there is potential. Why are these women still dating this dud?
Marni thinks Clayton presents well and he is a bit of a chameleon. There is very little that is unique about him. If a guy is always playing the mirror or being the chameleon and just doing what they need to get by, he robs himself of the opportunity of being authentic.
Clayton is the perfect candidate for a desk job. Where is his stapler?
High Emotional Intelligence [23:44]
The frontrunner as far as Marni and Robbie see it is the Olympian, Marlena. She didn't get the rose date but she seems to be winning. She shows up authentically. Marni doesn't think Marlena would ever date Clayton IRL. He just doesn't measure up to her. She is funny and cool and handles conflict well which means she has a high level of emotional intelligence.
When your vibe or emotional availability isn't at the level of a high-quality person you are not going to attract those people. Clayton may be on the show for the wrong reasons. He can't make decisions, he has low self-esteem, and he gets swayed by whatever is going on around him. He is definitely not ready for a long-term relationship.
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