“Yeah, I’m a good communicator”, we say to ourselves, but that proposition is rarely seasoned with some solid self-awareness. We blandly make this type of statement because we see communication as a one direction process, where we are telling someone, something which is important to us. Being perpetually time poor, we abbreviate complex ideas into “headlines” devoid of the sustaining background and context. Try gauging your actual communication abilities against these sixteen principles to see how you really stack up.
Understand your own and your listeners’ assumptions, viewpoints and attitudes and harmonise both.We tend to make comments without much reflection, either about why we think what we do or considering how the other person might receive the content. Build an open and creative culture where “a hundred flowers bloom and a thousand schools contend”.In modern business, bosses no longer are all knowing or have a monopoly on good ideas. Being open to subordinates ideas and thinking requires boss inner strength and confidence, which is why the idea is not popular with weak leaders. Listen first for what is not being said, as well as listening to how things are unfolding, before you proffer advice, information or insight.Being really heard by the boss is a fundamental requirement if staff are to be motivated to do their best. Communicate on the same wave length as your team members.Vocabulary and grammatical structures used can be blockers to good understanding amongst native speakers and become steel barriers to understanding for non-native speakers. Creative endeavours should use a broad net to involve our people and require throwing hierarchy, status and power out of the window. Massive boss listening and tremendous restraint before speaking unearths a rich tapestry of subordinate potential. Empathetic listening is at the highest level. It means we are listening with our eyes and sensing with our hearts, the how of what is being said and constantly searching for what is not being shared. The articulate are few and ramblers many, but as the boss we have to fairly divine and parse whatever is offered by our team members. Leader communication is never conducted in a vacuum.There is always a context at play and we have to be self-aware of what is going on inside of us during the act. How the leader communicates is within the framework of the culture of the organisation and the leader creates that culture.If that culture is built on trust for and confidence in the leader, then the team will receive it honestly. Trust in what the boss says is built up layer by layer, based on consistency of message, follow through, transparency and personal integrity. Boss communication is a combination of the energy they radiate, the actions they take and the sincerity of their intentions.All of these elements are being transmitted without any words being spoken, every second of the day, every day. Formal funnels of communication are never superior to the grapevine.Leaders know they cannot allow a vacuum of information to exist otherwise rumours, fake news and dissembling take over.The correct messages must be constantly and continuously communicated in order for them to replace the wrong messages. Feeling the feelings of subordinates is not easy, but it is deep communication and allows the boss to fully tune in to what is important for them. Anger, disappointment, rage, irritability are boss communication drivers we have to stop before they get started.These communication sparks are selfish, inwardly focused and often immediately regretted, however it is too late once they have been unleashed.Suspend your inner turmoil and “speak to others as they want to be spoken to” is a good rule. “There is only one way and that is my way” is an out of date boss concept.The leader seeks to understand the subordinate first where they are coming from and what is important to them.In that frame, the decisions the boss take are more likely to be the right ones.
So how did you go? These types of lists can be confronting and also revealing. When we do serious self-reflection about ourselves as communicators in leadership positions, we realise how much we take for granted on the part of the listener. We haven’t told them the why but somehow we imagine that is magically taking place. It isn’t and we cannot be satisfied with the situation or expect that the listener has to improve and do better. The source of poor communication or wasted communication will be us and we are the ones who have to fix it. These sixteen principles are painful reminders that we are not perfect as the leader and have a long way to go before we can say “yeah, I’m a good communicator”.
