This episode is about taking the pressure off of a decision. Today’s callers, Demi and James, have different religions but both value faith. They have both drawn in someone who challenges their rigidity in their belief systems. They would like guidance on whether or not their differences can be overcome. We work through that it is possible to understand another person’s belief system without making it wrong and that we can believe different things and still love each other.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode351]
The purpose of a relationship isn’t to get married at a certain time or to have a certain number of kids. Remember, everything in life is for our growth and evolution and to move us out of judgment and fear and more into love.
In relationships, we are not always going to agree. It’s important that we have differences in relationships because we don’t want to marry ourselves. But, our differences can’t be extreme. We can differ in personality and preferences. For example, we don't have to be compatible in terms of liking the same music but we do need to have the same values.
We can believe different things but we can still love each other. If you zoom out of all the guidelines and beliefs of all religions, what it all comes down to is love. Whatever God or religion you believe in, it is about love.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Have you ever been or are you in a situation where you may have to compromise about a value that is important to you? Have you ever broken up or not dated someone because they don’t subscribe to the same political ideology or they are not of the same religion? Or, have you written someone off because you consider those things a dealbreaker? Are you in a relationship where you had potential deal breakers but you’ve found your way through or are you in a relationship now where you wonder if something is a dealbreaker?
Demi and James’s Question:
Demi and James have different religious beliefs and would like to know if it will become an issue that cannot be overcome.
Demi and James’s Key Insights and Ahas:
They are taking a break from their relationship. They are willing to do whatever it takes to overcome the differences. James questions his beliefs. James is finding it difficult to overcome the religious differences. They get stuck when it comes to how to raise their children. Demi believes being Jewish is not something you can walk away from. There are some aspects of Christianity that seem unhealthy to Demi. Demi admires James for his faith. James is hurt because he feels as if his Christian identity is the enemy. This is the best relationship Demi has ever been in. They have a hard time defining boundaries. They have mutual respect. Demi is afraid to wait for a year because of her age.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Look at the relationship through the eyes of love. Date for a year to figure out how they work as a couple without deciding whether or not the relationship is long-term. If they do work after a year, seek out a counselor who specializes in blended faiths. Talk about their values and dreams they can get excited about together.
Takeaway:
If you are trying to make a big decision about something, where are you putting too much pressure on yourself? Maybe it’s not time to make a decision.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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