This episode is about the protective patterns we create when we don’t feel safe. Today’s caller, Amanda, says she wants guidance on how to access her sensuality but the core issue is truly about how she can feel safe and be vulnerable. We can’t feel safe in our sexuality or sensuality unless we feel safe in our vulnerability.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode370]
When women don’t feel safe in their bodies we tend to go into our heads. We talk, talk, talk, and don’t notice what is going on in our bodies. As human beings, we are a combination of doing and being, flowing and going, masculine and feminine, sensual and productive, right and left. So, one of our biggest turn-ons is safety. If we feel safe, we can let go. If we don’t feel safe, forget about it. We need to learn that it is safe to feel and to be emotionally vulnerable.
When we attempt to make changes while in frustration, it is important to shift into vulnerability and full self-expression. We need to accept all aspects of ourselves. Sensuality can feel scary because it feels out of control when we keep our safe place in our heads.
When we don’t feel safe, we have protective patterns that frustrate us. We judge the patterns and try to change them. But, nothing heals judgment. The first step of healing is to love, accept, and thank the pattern for protecting us.
If you don’t feel safe expressing yourself emotionally, you won’t feel safe expressing yourself sensually and sexually. When an expression is muted, all expressions are muted.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you feel blocked from your sensuality? Would you like to be more expressed in your life, especially sexually? Did you have the space to be expressed as a child? Was vulnerability encouraged in your house or did you have to hide or numb your feelings or deal with them on your own? Are you in a relationship and feel inhibited with your own partner? Do people in your life give you feedback that they would like to be closer to you? Do you feel your relationships could be deeper but you are scared to go there?
Amanda’s Question:
Amanda feels shame and guilt when it comes to sensuality and would like guidance on how to embody her sexuality without guilt and to feel good.
Amanda’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She will be 40 this year. She is in a loving, committed relationship. As a child, she was raised Christian and was taught to believe that “good girls don’t” do certain things. She wants to let go of things that don’t serve her. She feels awkward when expressing her sensual self. Feeling uncomfortable and numb stems from her childhood. She doesn’t feel safe being vulnerable. People care about her and want to be honest with her. She wants to break the pattern. She commits to being in her body and creating opportunities to be emotionally vulnerable.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Remind herself that it is safe to feel. Feel her discomfort but also feel she is safe. Practice vulnerability. Write three questions to evoke emotional vulnerability. Recreate an opportunity to be fully expressed. Forgive herself for judging herself and being hard on herself.
Takeaways:
If you want to be more sensually or sexually expressed, look at how emotionally expressed you are. Do you make safe spaces for your sensuality?
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
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Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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