Marni and Chris take a look at the interactions between the contestants on reality show, Love is Blind, to decipher the ranking code men have for women. Should it be abolished? What even is it based on? And why do we allow men to rank us to begin with? As they navigate through the show’s hottest drama, the duo discusses whether there is such a thing as too much honesty; why men do the things they do; and how women should respond to certain behavior. They ponder whether women are indeed from Venus, and men from Mars. Spoiler alert: they are, respectively.
Takeaways from this episode:
Down with the ranking system How much honesty is too much honesty? How to optimize what you have The medium is the message Should you give stock to his intentions? What’s the open-casting approach?
The Open-casting Approach Should be a Lifestyle, Not a Trend [01:52]
First things first. The title, open-casting should be abolished, but the approach itself stays. So, what is the open-casting approach? It’s what Life Check Yourself podcaster Marni, and her many guests, have been preaching for over a decade now. And apparently, it’s recently become a trend on the dating scene.
The approach entails dating with an open mind, rather than only dating according to your type. In keeping an open mind, and an open heart, while sticking to your core values, you cast a wider net. By doing that, you won’t miss out on meeting incredible people that might otherwise fly under your radar, if you’re too rigid with your criteria.
It shouldn’t be a trend for 2023, I think that’s how you should be living your life; to be open, curious and optimistic.
Open-casting should be a way of life when it comes to falling in love. Because when you start adding too many filters in terms of what you want in a person, inevitably your dating pool shrinks. And you could be missing out on great opportunities, regardless of their final outcome.
Is He Too Honest? [04:45]
Bartiste and Cole are two men that are super honest on the show. But sometimes too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. So, how do we know where the balance lies and where the line is?
It’s all about intention. Chris explains that a lot of the time, men don’t intend the comment to come off offensively. And that’s why it’s important to look at the intention behind the comment your partner is making. He goes on to note that a lot of men by nature are competitive, so when they’re compared to someone else, or given a certain criticism, it actually motivates them to do better. In turn, that’s the tactic they’ll use when trying to nudge their partner in the right direction. However, with women, that approach doesn’t necessarily work. So, how do we meet in the middle? It’s more about how you say something as opposed to what you’re actually saying. And of course, whether you’re saying it to put the person down, or to lift them up.
The unavoidable truth is men and women are different in a lot of ways, which is what makes our interactions together that more interesting. Even when it comes to compliments, women don’t go about it the same way men do. Women are good with the subtle things, adds Chris. Men? Not so much.
We’re so incredibly direct and blunt. And it’s just tough for us to articulate and dance that intricate beautiful dance that women just seem inherently good at.
Abolish the Ranking System; Let Them Eat Cake [14:28]
While we all rank the person in front of us to a certain extent, this specific ranking system is more detrimental than it is constructive or even accurate.
When discussing Cole and Bartiste, Marni points out that the way they offered rankings for the different women on the show was simply offensive. Because once you’ve put it out there; it becomes difficult for your partner to unsee it. Obviously, there’ll always be someone more attractive, just like there’ll be someone less attractive. But in this particular discussion, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When dating, it should be more about the person you’re with being who they are; their ranking – if we must have one – should automatically be a 10. And it’s not just because they’re physically attractive. It’s so much more than that.
Like obviously I know when a woman is drop dead gorgeous, yeah, she’s a 10. But I’m your 10.
Chris adds that men, himself included, will sometimes date a woman not necessarily because they see her as a 10, but because they know their friends will see her as such. And they’ll want to show off that they can get that 10. But regardless, the way men rank is binary and superficial. When it comes down to it, the actual ranking should come from knowing the person and should include so much more than the physical. Conclusion? Dump the ranking system – and the ones still using it while you’re at it.
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