This episode is about getting past the fear and pain of rejection. Today’s caller, Lisa, is triggered when she feels not chosen or rejected by others and would like to know why. Christine connects some powerful dots that may help you connect some dots in your life.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode381]
Sometimes we adopt the behavior of a parent we empathize with or a parent we felt sad for. So, when we realize we are tender about something, first, we need to take 100% responsibility for it. Then look at what we need to heal and recognize we need to have self-love and self-care to work with our wounding.
Repetitive triggers or sets of feelings that keep coming up over and over again are pointing us toward healing. Like our bodies letting us know we are sick by getting a fever or runny nose. Our repetitive triggers let us know there is an unresolved wound that needs healing.
Two important things to remember:
When our pain, experience, or our trigger feeling doesn’t really match the reality of what is going on, it always means we are time traveling. It means we always are being reminded of people — usually from our childhood — when our current reaction really doesn’t match the circumstances. Rejection is painful but a lot of times we are not being rejected.
And, we can’t just do our inner work and then tolerate behavior that isn’t great. A lot of people fall into the trap of believing it is their wounding and not letting others take responsibility for their actions. As we heal, we learn to ask for what we need, speak our truth, and authentically self-express.
Check out Christine’s Reflect and Release 2022 podcast and the Call in the New Year podcast being released the first week of January.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you notice that you almost overreact when you feel rejected or your experience often doesn’t match the reality of what’s going on? When you feel left out or when you feel not chosen, does it just bring up terrible sadness for you? Do you constantly need reassurance that you are chosen, you are loved, and liked? Did your parents go through a divorce when you were a child and it is still impacting you today, and possibly impacting your fear of rejection?
Lisa’s Question:
Lisa would like guidance on how to overcome her fear of rejection.
Lisa’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is triggered when she feels not chosen or left out. Her reactions aren’t in-line with what is happening. Previous relationships may be triggering her. Her parents divorced when she was six. She told her dad she wanted to live with her mom. Her sense of belonging was rattled. She has a sensitivity to rejection. She is never sure what is her fear or what is an infraction. She tests her partner. She modeled her father after not being chosen.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
When she feels triggered, ask herself what her inner child needs, then provide it. Ask her partner and friends to support her. Have a conversation with her partner about the things she would like. Do the Inner Child Workshop.
Takeaways:
Look at where your pain around rejection may link to a sense of not belonging and how you can give your inner child now what it needed then.Consider how you can help heal your fear of rejection by making clear requests of others.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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