Which is more important to us as the leader – what we choose to do or who we choose to be? Most of our careers on the way up will have been concentrated on doing, achieving, delivering results, making the numbers, getting projects delivered on time and on budget. Absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. When we get into a position of leadership there is always a lot to do. Previously we were responsible for ourselves and now we are responsible for a bunch of other people. It is always breathtaking to discover that the people you are leading are nothing like you. They have different mindsets, motivations, values, fears, habits, desires and ambitions. The old boss idea that “if you want to get ahead, be like me”, is a joke in this modern business world.
The “doing” in business is so loud, we are often oblivious to how we are showing up. Everyone of our staff are expert boss watchers. They can notice the smallest variation in our demeanour from one day to another. They are like those gazelles you see in nature documentaries, wandering around the African savannah, keeping a close eye on the nearby pride of lions. Staff have learnt that self-preservation is improved by keeping a close eye on the mood of the boss, “maybe I shouldn’t raise that project today because the boss looks in a bad mood”.
I was reminded of this recently. I got to the office early and when one of my team arrived, he asked me if I was okay. Without knowing it my face was showing a lot of stress. I didn’t realise I was showing it, but he noticed it immediately. Here is a hint for bosses – keep an eye on what is on your face, because we can be radiating messages and we might not be aware we are doing so.
The ”do” part of our job has to line up with the “say” part as well. Staff love consistency and predictability on the part of the boss. They don’t want to work for duplicitous people. Today they have lots of options and there is an army of hungry recruiters constantly on the lookout for poaching opportunities.
Companies often frame their Vision, Mission and Values statements and hang them on the wall as a dedication to what the firm stands for. Middle management leaders cannot even remember these statements, so you have to wonder what is the value of doing this. I know that they cannot remember them because we test it every chance we get. As a training company we are often brought in to give the Middle Managers leadership training. At the very start of the class I take the frame off the wall and turn it around, so that no one can see it. The class usually has around 20 plus people and when I ask what is the Vision or the Mission or the Values there is often a lot of shoe gazing gong on as they avoid eye contact with me. The best they come up with is two or maybe three of the Values and they cannot recall the rest. I can’t see how you can live it, if you cannot remember it.
So as the boss, can you remember the Vision, Mission and Values? Are you living them as a role model for the rest of the crew? Are you congruent in your boss behaviour with what the firm says is the way we do things around here?
Companies like to say things like, “there are no mistakes, only learning opportunities”. I agree and that is a very noble idea. The problem arises when the boss chews out a member of the staff for benefiting from this learning opportunity by screwing something up. This is where the “do” and the “be” are not aligning. It is so easy for this to occur because the “do” part of our work is so deafening and so overpowering. We get sucked up into the vortex of constant meetings, tsunami of emails and task requirements exceeding the time available to do them. Tempers can fray, patience can erode and we say things we regret later, because we know we were not walking the talk.
Being a boss is an inside out process. Who we are on the inside becomes obvious to everyone around us. They know if we are a fraud or if we are a true of heart. This can be the Johari window quadrant of “known to everyone, but not known to us”. Our “do” is not matching up with our “be”. Being self-aware sounds good in theory, but in a busy world it can be hard to track and monitor.
Busy bosses have no time allocated for self-reflection, because they are overwhelmed by the workload. This taking a moment to think about our “be” and whether it is matched by our “do” is a very useful exercise. We are not perfect human beings, but we can improve if we decided that it is worth it.
If we want to keep our people from the ravages of the recruiter army, then it is worth it.
