We are all pretty average on recalling events, people’s names, locations, sequences, inanimate objects, etc., but we are geniuses on remembering feelings. We are especially good on how people made us feel and what super memories we have developed in this particular department. Business is deemed to be logical – cool, balanced, unswerving on the road to greater efficiencies. Ironically, we are such emotional beings trying to be detached, but we are usually not very good at it though.
Ever find yourself still chewing over some ancient injustice? Something doesn’t arrive on time or in the right format and we have that chemical reaction that is triggered by the emotions of anger, disappointment, fear or frustration. People say something trying to be funny or witty but we take it badly. We instantly feel insulted, embarrassed, hurt, mortified or humiliated. There are some basic principles of successful human relations we forget at our peril.
“Don’t criticize, condemn or complain” is an all weather wonder. Let’s resist the urge to correct others, to tell them off, to bring their personal failings to their attention immediately. It is not a cure that works well and in fact just builds pig-headed resistance, as the guilty party seeks to justify their dubious actions.
“Let the other person save face” is a handy principle to keep in mind in public situations. Not everyone is quick, elegant or urbane and some people seem to invite correction, but let’s resist that urge. Just because they may not obviously react should be cold comfort. Remember to beware the dog that doesn’t bark.
“Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say you are wrong”. Even if you feel they are so totally incorrect it is barely fathomable. Restrain yourself from leaping in and pointing out they are an idiot.
“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it”. Incredibly, even people in sales forget this sage advice and want to argue with the client. We might win the battle over the point of contention, but we will lose the war over the long term. Maya Angelou summed it up brilliantly:
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. So how do you make people feel? Apply these principles and let life get easier.
