In Parts One and Two, we covered the relationship fundamentals: stop criticising, give sincere appreciation, understand what people want, show genuine interest, smile, and remember names. In Part Three, we move to the final three skills that make those principles work in real leadership: listening, speaking in terms of the other person’s interests, and making people feel important—sincerely.
1) Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves
Many leaders unintentionally weaken relationships because they listen selectively. If the conversation isn’t “useful,” they tune out. The problem is that people notice—and they disengage.
As the article puts it: “Some people are boring when they talk about themselves and I tune out, because I only want to hear stuff that is of interest to me, like where are the results”. That doesn’t sound like a good approach to build an engaged team, does it?
A better standard is to make learning about your people part of your leadership job. Listening isn’t passive; it’s the gateway to trust, cooperation, and commitment. The practical challenge is that many leaders don’t know what questions to ask—so here is a simple conversation framework the article recommends using a “memory linking technique”:
Nameplate, House, Family, Briefcase, Airplane, Tennis Racket, Ideas.
The listening framework (and how to use it)
Nameplate: their name—and whether you pronounce it correctly. The article shares an example where a leader’s effort to pronounce a full name properly made the person feel valued, because others had defaulted to an easier nickname. House: where they live now, where they have lived, and where they want to live in the future. Family: family composition and what matters outside work; relationships often deepen through shared life connections (like children attending the same school). Briefcase: the content of their work—the reality of what they do every day. When you understand the details, you better understand their “personal situation” and what pressures they operate under. Airplane: travel experiences, preferences, and recommendations (including places like onsen). Tennis Racket: hobbies and interests. People can sit next to each other for years and never know what the other person truly enjoys—because no one asks. Ideas: what they’re noticing in business—market shifts, competitor moves, trends, and information sources worth sharing.Run this framework lightly, not like an interrogation. The goal is simple: learn enough about people that you can lead them as humans, not as job titles.
Core takeaway: “Make finding out all about your people your mission and you are sure to find leading your people becomes easier.”
2) Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
This is a leadership multiplier: when you connect your requests to what someone cares about, cooperation becomes easier and resistance drops.
But what if you don’t know what they care about?
The article’s answer is blunt and practical: ask more questions—and return to listening.
It also points out a reality leaders often forget: people may not reveal what they are interested in immediately because they are still deciding whether they can trust you. You earn the right to understand their interests by showing consistent respect and curiosity.
As you ask questions and learn more, you also uncover similarities and shared ground—making trust-building easier and faster.
3) Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely
People want to feel that their work matters and that they matter to the organisation. Yet many leaders stay locked on outcomes and forget the process is powered by humans, not machines.
The article states it clearly: “Often, we are working hard but get no recognition for it… We are not machines. Everything we do is driven by our mindset and our commitment. We want to be recognised for that.”
This is where leadership can go wrong—because recognition can become manipulation if it isn’t real.
The article highlights that “honesty”, “sincerity”, and being “genuine” run through these principles for a reason. Without those caveats, the principles become tools for manipulation—and people see through it.
Conclusion: Your relationship advantage this week
If you want stronger relationships with your team, don’t overcomplicate it:
Listen better and encourage people to talk about themselves. Ask enough questions to discover what matters to them. Connect your communication to their interests. Recognise people in a way that is honest, sincere, and genuine.Or in the final challenge posed by the article: how will you apply these principles this week to develop stronger relationships and create positive influence?
