This week's episode welcomes guest host Zach to the program, because Zach was unlucky enough to win a Golden Ticket from our t-shirt sales. Sorry Zach. Andrew realizes the fate of his sister's marriage is in his hands. Surprise, Bitch! takes us to Portugal, a country wisely deciding to avoid Trump over-saturation. But we're not. Dumpster Fire 2016 covers the final convention controversies and looks ahead to the campaigns' general election strategies. With primary season over, will Trump change course? Will we see a more presidential candidate? Do pigs fly? YOU get an anxiety disorder! YOU get clinical depression! WE ALL. GET. A PROBLEM!!! Mental health issues are surprisingly common and shouldn't be taboo or embarrassing. Zach leads the conversation with beautiful candor and a killer accent. Which organization's donation average is $69? Find out why it's not fucking us on "The Number." And in this week's rousing installment of After Dark: With the Cursed Child play officially in bookstores, Andrew introduces us to the new world of Albus Severus/Scorpius fan fiction. No foreplay. He just makes us dive right in. You might say he inserted it. Andrew, Laura and Elysa dramatically read one of the story's raunchiest sex scenes. Zach judges our performances, Laura gets a semi. #Weeping.